It’s tough going when your reputation is on the line. The ego likes to get you in its grip and tries to get you to do something to get your reputation back, but why? If people are going to judge you, no amount of trying is going to change their minds.
Some people like to validate their points of view, so will take on whatever information or gossip they are given about others so that they can feel warranted for their own behaviour and attitudes. I have had this a lot this past year. I’ve had a bunch of people judge me and gossip about me and blatantly deceive me, but no more.
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I tend to be very open about my feelings and my emotions and I’ve learned during this past year that many people cannot handle honest authenticity. Some cannot even handle love shared among friends.
From ex-friends bitching about me and judging me to be a certain way; to being deceived by others, and the last straw someone totally misunderstanding my love and care for them and projecting their issues back onto me – I’ve had enough of it.
What they think of me is their business, it’s nothing to do with me, I know who I am.
But sometimes you begin to think mistakenly that when you are getting a dodgy reputation that it is about you, that perhaps they are right as so many of them are judging. And I am someone who always look out to the mirrors of this world, asking ‘Am I projecting? Is it true what they say? Am I like that?’ and in the past I would have taken what they said and felt pretty shitty about who I was, but not this year.
I know where I’m coming from, and if others wrong me for my authenticity, if others judge me based on their need to validate their opinions of me, then so be it. That is their problem, not mine.
I used to be a bitch and a gossip, but in my last job I realised that all the bitchy girls who disliked my colleague were wrong. She was a lovely person, she had a loving heart and was honest. They couldn’t handle that she did not want to gossip about others and so she became their scapegoat.
This world is ripe with drama and the need for feeding the ego. From soap operas encouraging conflict to newspapers and magazines gossiping about celebrities, it’s unhealthy and it’s sad.
So what do you do when you reputation is being questioned?
Question yourself – Is it true?
If it’s not, you can defend yourself, but most gossips will never listen, they need to see you in a certain way. Be strong in your power and know yourself. Let the rumour wagon do its thing and get on with your work or life. If able, go to a manager if it turns more into bullying and if all else fails get a new job where people value who you really are and jealousy is not rife.
Rumours and Social Bullying
Being snubbed, ousted out of groups you were once part of is a form of social bullying. This often happens in school. I had this happen often. I was the outsider and no matter what I did I could not get into the inner circle. Back then I had no self-esteem so it got to me big time, but as you begin to get to know yourself, empower who you are by trusting your instincts and intuition, you can start to let these people go and allow only trustworthy and loyal people into your inner circle. And live your life. Your life is a reflection of you, so if people judge you to be a certain way, just be you and your example will speak volumes.
Begin to See Rumours as a Healing Challenge
For me, instead of weakening my self-esteem, it strengthened it. When I was gossiped about, misunderstood and judged, I asked myself who I was, and I then asked: ‘Do I want people who do this to be part of my life?’ I realised NO. I have had the habit in the past of looking at the best in people and not recognising the sides of them that were not something I would like in my world until it was too late, but I realise this is not a weakness, it’s a good part of me, my heart wants to see the good first.
Forgive – But Don’t Forget
I’ve been working a lot on self-forgiveness lately and forgiveness of others. When I was criticised incredibly and wrongly, I was so shocked I actually sat on my sofa with my jaw open. It came totally out of the blue. I stood up for myself there and then, not that it mattered because it was obvious that they wanted to keep their wrong opinion of me and nothing I said was going to change that. So I chose to accept that they had misjudged me and they later passed this onto others. I can forgive them and hope they find a way to open their hearts to a more loving kinder space, but I won’t forget and I won’t be friends with them again. That is the past to me now, it is gone.
On the full moon I do a ritual of release and this past weekend was a super-moon, with powerful energy, and I released more people who had misjudged me and I cut chords with them in all times and dimensions, because I do feel that many of those who are here to teach us through challenges like this are often souls we have known before. And I know that we need to let them go instead of holding grudges. So I released another person this weekend and let them go with love.
If You Are Bullied
If you are in a work situation and the gossip and rumour spreading feels more dangerous and something that you are are unable to handle, please go to Human Resources and get help. If you are at school or college contact someone in authority to help. If it’s on-line bullying, block and remove yourself from any groups that have these bullies in them. Check out my article on Adult Cyber-Bullying Here (good links for young people that may need help also). If it is slander and ruining your business reputation contact a good lawyer.
Embrace Your Inner Power
If you are able to be alone and at ease in your own company, meditate regularly, connect to the higher power within you, you begin to build an inner resilience to experiences like this. You begin to know yourself, know your truth and know that who you are matters; who you are is valuable, and who you are is strong.
For me when I was gossiped about and when more recently someone questioned my loving intentions and projected their fear onto me, I took myself into meditation and I asked my guides (or God – whatever works for you), what was true. I asked what the situation meant for me? What was I to learn? And I received feedback from within. I discovered I could trust my instincts and that the other person was mistaken and this helped me feel strong and empowered. I was also willing to embrace being wrong, embrace taking on board what others say, and seeing if they were correct. If they were, I would have faced and embraced this from within, because awareness is power. To know myself is my strength.
Letting People Go
People come and go in our lives and sometimes we just need to move on.
My spiritual path is changing a lot and my inner world is shifting and can be challenging while I am going through my personal cleansing storm. As with any storm it moves things around and removes what no longer fits in our lives. When we are growing we need people who are growing alongside us. Some people are not growing or waking up and this is okay. When we are moving expect the terrain to change and sometimes it can come in the form of people judging and gossiping and encouraging us to let them go.
All is well; all is unfolding perfectly.
Learn to embrace the void and know that life, the Universe, will fill this space with people and opportunities better suited to who you are becoming and growing into.
Grieve the old, but don’t hang out there anymore.