DESIRE – What If What You Want Is Wrong?

Are you frustrated by lack in your life? Are those things you really want just not happening?

It’s easy to get attached to a specific outcome to make us happy. We’re surrounded by affluence in the West and encouraged to pin all our hopes and dreams on the outer world. While we might believe that happiness lies within, inwardly many of us may ‘secretly’ hope for circumstances to change in the way we want, so that we can be happy, but this never works.

Playing At The ‘Present Moment’

I spent many years playing at the ‘present moment’, knowing that happiness was an inside job found only in the now, but inwardly hoping that the money, relationships, the career, the outer world would fulfil my long-lost dreams, that is until life stopped me in my tracks by removing all external distractions.

With no friends, with just enough money to eat and pay the rent, my ego went into meltdown mode as my ‘attachment’ to my dreams coming true fell away. I truly believed I could have everything I wanted, but I refused to question if what I wanted was what I needed and this was an eye-opening revelation to me.

I struggled for a long time, envisioning my dreams and goals, but it was only in the harsh light of day that I realised that my ‘wants’ were coming from a place of yearning and self-importance, not from the natural flow of my life and certainly not from a present moment awareness.

After much struggle I finally surrendered and discovered that any ‘lack’ in my outer world was not a punishment for not being good enough, or that something I was doing was wrong, but that it was a blessing, encouraging me to seek the answers within.

Signals From Within

When the wanting becomes a desperate yearning, life is signalling us to ask what is it we really want? What is beneath those wants? Do we want the object or experience of our desire? Or do we want the feeling beneath that desire? What if it is not the ‘thing’ that we want, but the relief from the agitation that this wanting causes?

These are all still ongoing questions for me. This is a journey after all. Sometimes the present moment comes easily to me and at other times the inner fight continues, but being aware is the beginning of a grand adventure.

So if life is giving you a lack of what you think you want, ask what lies beneath your desires and if it’s going to bring you home to the real happiness that lies within?


  • Signs of Desperate Yearning:

    • Acknowledge the signals when wanting transforms into a desperate yearning.
    • Recognise life’s cues prompting introspection into deeper desires.
  • Exploration of True Wants:

    • Engage in self-inquiry to discern what is genuinely wanted in life.
    • Question whether the desire is for the object or experience itself, or the emotional satisfaction it brings.
  • Understanding Beneath Desires:

    • Reflect on the underlying emotions and feelings beneath specific desires.
    • Consider whether the longing is for the relief from the agitation caused by wanting.
  • Journey of Self-Discovery:

    • Embrace the ongoing nature of the self-discovery journey.
    • Understand that moments of ease and inner conflict coexist on the path of self-awareness.
  • Present Moment Awareness:

    • Appreciate the times when the present moment comes naturally.
    • Acknowledge the inner struggles during moments of resistance or persistent wanting.
  • Awareness as the Beginning:

    • Recognise that being aware marks the initial step in a transformative journey.
    • Embrace the evolving nature of self-awareness and personal growth.
  • Questioning Lack and True Happiness:

    • When faced with a perceived lack, inquire about the deeper meaning of desires.
    • Explore whether fulfilling desires align with finding genuine happiness within.
  • Journey Towards Real Happiness:

    • Consider the possibility that true happiness resides within, beyond external desires.
    • View life’s challenges as opportunities to return home to authentic happiness.


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Kelly Martin
Kelly Martin

Kelly Martin, author of ‘When Everyone Shines But You’ is a dedicated writer and blogger who fearlessly explores life’s deepest questions. Faced with a decade of profound anxiety and grief following the loss of her father and her best friend Michael, Kelly embarked on a transformative journey guided by mindfulness, and she hasn’t looked back since. Through her insightful writing, engaging podcasts, and inspiring You Tube channel Kelly empowers others to unearth the hidden treasures within their pain, embracing the profound truth that they are ‘enough’ exactly as they are.

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