The Agony Of Waiting For Your Destiny

disney fairy

How old are you?


Are you in your twenties, thirties, forties or beyond?


I remember that in my teens and twenties I had big ideas for my life. I saw myself as doing something worthwhile, but I passed over many different routes to who I am and nothing really cemented, nothing sustained.


I’m 39 this year. That big 40 is looming. Many people may freak out about the age 40. I thought I was not one of them, but I guess it creeped up on me and my ego has had a right old hissy-fit about who I am, what I’m doing and
more-so what I’m not doing.

Back in my twenties I was going to be a countryside ranger. I left University and went travelling around Australia for a year on my own and my spiritual awakening happened, everything changed. I no longer wanted to do what I thought convenient or what I ought to do that applied to my Bachelor of Science degree in Environmental Studies. I discovered the world I had been living was only a small portion of reality.


Awakening Is Exciting, but Goal Driven Can Suck Big Time

people chasing carrot on stick

A spiritual awakening is exciting. I rolled with the excitement for many years, attuned to Reiki to Master Level, I so wanted to be self-employed. Who was I? I didn’t ask back then. I just moved from one ‘I should do this’ into another through a healing pathway.


The thing is, being goal orientated or destiny driven, we fix and attach to the outcome of some-thing for our identity and when life steps in and has other ideas we find it hard to shift gears. And as year after year one idea after another ‘appears’ to fall flat, we have to ask the question, Who am I? What do I really want? Where am I right now? Can I control my reality?


And the answer is NO!


It may appear this way for those lucky ones (or rather those who pre-chose a path of career advancement as a soul that had an easy ‘follow the steps’ route in life), but for many of us the step does not arrive until we have stepped on the first stone and as we take that step the next step across the chasm of the unknown appears.


But we fight. We fight ‘what is’ often in agony. We scream at life as it feels as if nothing changes no matter what we put our hearts into. And it’s hard when you reach a certain age and wonder if life forgot about your purpose.


‘Think Positive’ is Not the Answer for Everyone

sad happy woman depression

Anyone who says ‘Just think positive’ is going to get a very heated response from someone who is on a ‘one step at a time’ path, especially if the soul has chosen to experience releasing old energy of shame and other difficult emotions. Think Positive may work for those with an easier path, but if shame or guilt is something we carry, or a feeling of undeserving, it’s not a quick fast-action approach to arriving at our destiny or purpose in life.


Our real purpose is just to live and to experience, but of course we are human, and the ego and human-self needs to feel like it is achieving something in life and participating in this grand design. Our destiny is simply a label for what we chose to express in this lifetime.

What Do You Do When You’re In The Agony Of Waiting For Your Destiny?

  1. Accept that you can’t control the outer.
  2. Sometimes not doing anything is what you’re meant to do, even if the ego is screaming at you that you are meant to be doing something. We can’t force change, but we can just be ready when it turns up.
  3. Emotional turmoil passes; it may not be immediate, but it does pass, so ride the storm.
  4. Sometimes your greatest fear is your greatest purpose – think about this and see if what you fear has a life role somewhere for you (mine is public speaking – I have a strong feeling this will be something that unfolds for me over time).
  5. Your life is not on hold, you are not stuck, it just appears that way. The surface can look still, but underneath a lot is going on and the seeds of ‘you’ are germinating.
  6. You may be in the cocoon phase of your life and this means it feels like a big dark void of not knowing anything. You have no answers, no inspiration, you’re flapping around not knowing a sodding thing, but it’s okay. Well it’s not okay, it sucks big time, but you can’t do anything about it, so just ride this phase too.
  7. Just as butterflies cannot fly until their wings are fully formed, you are no different. Try not to try so much to make your wings flap and fly. If you do, you will just fall and feel disappointed. Better wait for them to be working properly and when it’s time the next step will reveal itself and do so clearly.
  8. Walk. Walking balances the two hemispheres of the brain; walking helps you walk into change. Even if it’s simply walking around where you live, you don’t need beautiful scenery to walk. If you can’t walk, visualise walking. It is proven by tests run on athletes that even visualising walking activates the muscles and body in the same way as physical walking. Try it.
  9. Drink plenty of water. Water keeps you clear both physically and emotionally. A teacher of mine once told me that he notices he stops drinking water when he is avoiding an emotion.
  10. Practice mindfulness. Meditate. Simply be with ‘what is’ including those kick ass emotions that suck big time. What else can you do, but be. Doing is not part of your process right now, so just be mindful of what’s going on for you. This allows a space for self-love to fill the void.
Do you believe in destiny? 
Or are you more a create your own luck kind of

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Kelly Martin
Kelly Martin

Kelly Martin, author of ‘When Everyone Shines But You’ is a dedicated writer and blogger who fearlessly explores life’s deepest questions. Faced with a decade of profound anxiety and grief following the loss of her father and her best friend Michael, Kelly embarked on a transformative journey guided by mindfulness, and she hasn’t looked back since. Through her insightful writing, engaging podcasts, and inspiring You Tube channel Kelly empowers others to unearth the hidden treasures within their pain, embracing the profound truth that they are ‘enough’ exactly as they are.

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