2020 Time To Let Go Of Control

2020 new year

In 2019 so much happened, pretty much all of it was out of my control.

  • Mum got cancer and recovered
  • I started and ran the mental health radio station and had to close it down due to lack of human resources
  • I entered the spiritual void
  • Remain parties tried to stop Brexit in the UK
  • The people voted and the majority voted in a party wanting Brexit
  • Donald Trump was impeached
  • My best friend got sick
  • Depression occurred – again!

In 2019 I travelled through so many events that I could not change. I was not in control and are we ever in control?

I don’t think we are; we may be in control of how we perceive events, but I don’t think we are in control of the changing scenery or circumstances of our lives. We make choices, we choose directions and then it’s important we let go of the attachment to the outcome.

Control is a way of self-protection. We think if we can just make things happen a certain way, we will be happy, or we will be safe from whatever illusionary future we think is coming.

Control tries to prevent heartbreak, but it never does, in the long term.

I discovered this year, how a 30+ year fear of loss had manifested as my need to control that loss. So, I made sure I didn’t have people I could lose in my life and I tried to make my best friend healthy 24/7 fearing he would abandon me. Life had other ideas so gave him sickness.

Depression for me has been more about not being able to surrender to what is. When I am fighting against reality, my whole energy body and emotions become depressed.  I know deep down that when I surrender to change, to the uncontrollable I feel relief and when I fight circumstances I struggle.

I’ve seen this in myself and others this past year. The whole Global change taking place in politics in the USA and in the UK highlights many people fighting reality and thinking that they have some sort of control over it. Sometimes we just need to hold our hands up and say ‘It is what ‘it is’ and take care of only that which we can do.

When I launched the station, I was determined to make it work, but the people I needed, the resources were completely out of my control. So, with the best will in the world I had to let it go.

People getting sick, politicians being politicians, our own other life challenges are a part of life, but the more we try to control it, the more we suffer.

Control – Two Parts Fighting

children fighting

Control happens when two parts of who we are, are in conflict.  One part sees one direction as right, the other part sees another direction as right, so it is splitting us in two, trying to go in different directions.

The ego fears that if you go in one direction the other part of you will lose. And this keeps us stuck, unable to move forward.

I know this only too well with a fear of success versus a fear of failure. Both fears stopping a forward movement.

And we even go so far as creating problems so we can have something to control. We can need drama and issues so we can feel alive through the attempts to control, but this is not true aliveness. This is protection from true aliveness. And true aliveness comes from trusting the unfolding nature of our reality and no matter whether it is perceived as negative or positive, it is still unfolding as I said in last week’s blog post ‘Your Trust Is Your Faith’

Control is an illusion

We can fight against what is happening or we can surrender and accept what is happening.

By doing this we can then make new choices from a far healthier place.

My challenge in 2020 is to let go of control.

To understand that we never know what is around the corner and so trying to hold on to loved ones or even thinking they will die before me is an illusionary construct of my own making. I could leave this planet at any time, but my attempt to control keeps me in a state of fear and struggle.

We can’t control other people.

We can’t control politicians.

We can’t control the weather.

We can’t control what people think or say or do.

We can’t control our health (we can embrace and allow an inner health that may change our physical self, but we can’t control what is happening in a limiting sense)

We can’t control life or death.

To me, why 2020 needs to be about letting go of control is simple.


Is it time to let go of your idea of how life should be?

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Kelly Martin
Kelly Martin

Kelly Martin, author of ‘When Everyone Shines But You’ is a dedicated writer and blogger who fearlessly explores life’s deepest questions. Faced with a decade of profound anxiety and grief following the loss of her father and her best friend Michael, Kelly embarked on a transformative journey guided by mindfulness, and she hasn’t looked back since. Through her insightful writing, engaging podcasts, and inspiring You Tube channel Kelly empowers others to unearth the hidden treasures within their pain, embracing the profound truth that they are ‘enough’ exactly as they are.

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