|Alnwick Castle – a castle symbolises power
I don’t think it would be wise of me to advise on the exact way to ‘let it all out’. But if you have an issue that is still causing you much pain after a long period of trying to ‘sort it out’, I strongly advise you not to keep it all to yourself. There are some things that are impossible to overcome on your own. There are many options such as the 12 step groups, therapy/counselling, writing about it, or telling a trusted friend or family member. It all depends on what YOU feel is right. Part of the reason I felt it was good to blog about my particular struggle is that I feel it could help others in the same boat. But many people may not be comfortable with this.
One thing I feel I need to mention is that we all work at our own pace. We can only be honest about ourselves when we are ready. Believe me, it has taken me a good while to get to where I am now. Be open minded and open hearted, allow life to work its magic, don’t ‘try’ to resolve problems too quickly. Deep layers of pain that have been hidden for so long are not likely to be resolved overnight. You may feel like a victim for some while, I certainly have. The key, for me, is to resolve to do whatever it takes to be whole and healed, as much as is possible. That’s not to say that things will be perfect. It may take a while to work through something, you may feel that things are progressing at a snail’s pace at times. That is okay.
How do we face our pain?
So from what I’ve learned, here are some steps to what it has taken for me to be honest.
1) Don’t deny or minimize something. If something has caused you to feel angry, broken-hearted or pissed off with life, be honest about it. If other people think you’re being self-indulgent, whiney or negative, too bad. Sometimes we need to vent just to get things off our chest. The pain is what it is. Trying to resist it or thinking you shouldn’t feel so bad, isn’t going to make things better. I cannot stress enough the importance of this. For me, this is an absolute essential for getting to the point where your life story doesn’t affect you so much.
2) Allow yourself to feel the emotions at times. Without doubt, one of the reasons it has taken me so long to really face my demons is the fear of actually facing them. I thought my heart might break. It will generally take time before someone is ready for this. Truly allowing yourself to ‘feel’ means having the attitude of ‘this bloody hurts, but it is what it is and I am not going to fight this, I am ready to move forward, and truly facing my pain with an open heart will help me do so’. So often, when intense emotional pain comes up, we fight it and try to push it away, which is quite understandable, but it’s almost like fighting fire with fire. When you are ready, allow yourself to embrace the pain and hurt, and in time it will pass.
3) Bad days will come. That’s just a given. There will be times when you feel like losing hope that things will ever get better. This is all part of the fabric of life. The key is to persist, persevere and eventually you will see some results.
4) Inspirational material. This has probably helped me more than I realise. Facebook is fantastic for posts and articles with an inspirational message. Just because I may post some of this ‘positive’ stuff on my wall, does not mean I always feel positive, but it helps, particularly in difficult times. Reading a good book can really help you take a small step or even a large step forward.
5) Say things with as little emotional attachment as possible. For example, saying ‘At this moment, I am a fucked up human being’ as an honest phrase without being hard on yourself or wishing things were different, can be beneficial. Start from where you are, not from where you think you should be or where you wish to be.
6) Take time out. It is very important when you’re going through ‘stuff’ to be good to yourself. If you’re spending 24/7 consumed with your struggles, it is not healthy. It’s good to do something that will take your mind off things, like go for a walk, go to the beach, do some exercise, dance, chill out with a friend, listen to some good music or meditate.
7) Allow your story to help you be a winner rather than a victim. Having a tough life certainly does not mean that you are destined to be a loser. Sure, many people allow their story to define them and hold them back. But we’ve all heard of people who made good out of a seemingly bad situation. There are always people who are struggling, and maybe your ability to overcome a bad situation might inspire and help many others. Resolve to make something positive out of the hurt and the pain.
Here’s to your success. Don’t allow your story to keep you from all the good things life has to offer. I hope you enjoyed reading this, please feel free to also read my blog here.