How To Manage The Chaos In Life

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EPISODE 89 – PODCAST TRANSCRIPT

Hi there, welcome back to Kelly Martin Speaks. I’m your host Kelly Martin and this is episode 89.

Okay, firstly, it may feel like the world is going to hell in a handcart right now and understandably so. We are going through unprecedented change. And with anything that is this chaotic there will be absolute turbulence inside and outside. So, today I am going to talk about how to manage the chaos of life, because many of us will need to do this now and so many have not had to experience such turbulence before.

Me, I’ve had my fair share of chaos. From losing my father when I was 26, to trying to resuscitate my grandmother when I was 16, who had already passed on, to facing my mum with cancer, financial poverty, much loss and isolation.

So, it can feel really strange to me right now, that my life is becoming the new normal for many people.

I find it so surreal that my life is generally very isolated. I rarely see anyone apart from my housemate from week to week. To have this as a guideline or soon to be a legal requirement is beyond surprising to me. And as someone who knows fear so intimately with anxiety, I really feel so much for a large portion of society who have never had to face this kind of change.

One thing I want to point out though, is that any control we think we had, we never did. We simply had the illusion of control. And it feels to me that things are being shaken up so much to bring about a mass awakening. Many will have to face some hard stuff they have not had to face before. Some will leave this life, sadly, but those who remain will have to face chaos, limitation, loss and their own fragile mortality. It is damned hard to face this stuff, especially when you have had no experience of it before.

And even if you have faced it, it does not make it any easier to manage.

During this time you will feel scared and uncertain.

During this time you will feel angry.

But you will also go through many stages of processing what is taking place.

You will move between shock and surprise to acknowledgement and acceptance only to flip back into shock and surprise and fear and none of this is wrong and everyone will handle it differently.

Those who are for example, isolating and literally have no contact online or via telephone with others may handle this very differently from those who have regular human contact in other ways. And extroverts may find this much tougher than introverts.

Don’t Expect To Create Order From Chaos

One really important thing to remember is that at this time we cannot make the chaos go away or bring a sense of order into the chaos. As more people are isolated, as greater limits are placed on life, as we distance ourselves from our fellow humans, we can’t expect to create order out of what is taking place, but we can drop the idea of order and drop the idea of having our lives together for this time, because it is our attachment to order and control that causes inner resistance and greater fear and suffering.

So many people expect things to be a certain way. When chaos hits our lives, they expect order and control to be put into place very quickly.

I am seeing this in the UK, where people, naturally in fear, are expecting our Government to control the situation and to know what to do immediately. Not accepting the unknown essence of the Coronavirus and how it works means that life will be uncertain, decisions will change, nothing will be set in stone and surprises and limits may appear at short notice. People want certainties during an uncertain time, primarily because the way our lives are set up, we have had familiarity and the known and we do everything to avoid the unknown or the uncertain which is change. So I get why so many are scared right now.

Because from chaos comes great change, perceived as both positive and negative.

So, I want to first talk about the sort of things you will be thinking and feeling right now, just so that you know you are not alone and know it is perfectly natural during a time of huge chaos.

What You Feel Is Natural

Death and Dying – You may first worry about death and dying. Be it fear of your own death or your loved ones. This could make you panic and try to control in different ways, from panic buying to over cleaning your home, to reacting in a domineering way to loved ones in your attempt to protect them from harm.

Blaming Others – You may point fingers of blame at other people, the Government, your family or friends who are not taking it seriously, strangers who are not taking it seriously, people who voted the current Government in. When you do this, you are simply trying to feel better. It doesn’t work long term, but it’s understandable.

Fear Isolation – You may also fear isolation, feel imprisoned, bored, claustrophobic.

Hypochondria – There may be a great sense of hyper vigilance about your health. You may be constantly thinking you have the virus, when you don’t, trying everything you can to keep it at bay.

Wartime Mode – You may be feeling in a wartime mode, thinking you must protect your family in more aggressive ways.

Heart-Disconnect – You may feel disconnected from your heart for a time. In other words you may feel more anger pointed outwards and find it hard to feel compassion or sensitivity to what is happening in your life and in the outer world.

Compassion Fatigue – You may have compassion fatigue, as you see many people suffering and you want to help, but you can’t help everyone and it’s not your responsibility to save the world, but you may want to nonetheless and you can feel tired from feeling helpless or powerless to be able to control the outer world.

Feeling Very Sad – You may feel sad, sad for the world as a whole, sad for loved ones, sad for people losing loved ones, sad for people isolated, sad for people with businesses that may go bankrupt, sad for the whole of humanity.

Anxious 24/7 – You may feel anxious 24/7, unable to sleep and be experiencing insomnia as your mind whirls with all the potential problems or challenges you may experience, and others may experience.

Mental Health Declines – You may find your depression worsens or your mental health issues become heightened. If you do, please speak to someone online or on the telephone. You are not alone, and your pain is as valid as anything else happening in the world. You are worth crying over.

Feel Hopeless – You may feel hopeless in the sense that without a future to control, you don’t know what to do and even more you don’t know who you are anymore. Many people live their lives from one event to the next, be it Christmas to holidays to meals out with friends. Take away vacations, socialising and some may find this intolerable to cope with. Again, this is natural, especially if you have always had a really full and busy life.

This is happening because you may have attached your identity to what you do instead of who you are and this time of chaos could be a wake-up call to discover who you are and what is most important for you now in life. This time can be an incredibly transformative time, if we choose to see it in that way.

How Can You Manage During This Time Of Chaos?

So during this time of chaos how can you manage all of this happening, because it is very intense?

You begin by accepting that life is not going to be the same again.

You start to open up to the fact that life was never in your control and that uncertainty, as scary as it is, is a part of life and is to be embraced not resisted.

You expect the unexpected, instead of being attached to what is known.

You develop an inner wisdom and flexibility in this life of change and because of this you will find your life transforms in a powerful way.

You become more mindful of what you are feeling and why, and instead of being distracted you practice patience with yourself, patience with others and acceptance of ‘what is’ in life.

Chaos is the nature of existence. Our modern day lives have simply lulled us into sleep where we have not witnessed this enough. Nature reveals to us the chaos required to create and allow the new and the change to take place.

Can You Fall In Love With Confusion?

Is it possible to actually fall in love with the confusion and chaos in the world? Can we embrace the changing world we live in? Yes, we can. It may not be easy if we are not used to change and have lived in what I call an uncomfortable comfort zone, but it can be done.

The problem with our modern day lives is that when we live a static unchanging life, we are not truly living. Is it comfortable? Yes. Convenient? Yes. Stable? Indeed, but it’s not truly being alive. It is during times of chaos that we are truly living.

We have been almost cemented to the ‘known’ world for so long that to face this period of deep uncertainty, we are now being uprooted for massive change.

Buddha said – that after each twenty-five centuries there comes a moment of great turmoil and chaos. And that is the time when the greatest number of people become enlightened.

And I believe this is happening right now. This virus, Covid-19, is putting us all on high alert for change and for the new to happen. Many will resist its teachings, but some will see it as a peak moment in our history for much to happen, much to be unearthed from within, much to embrace and celebrate, even within all the pain and suffering.

When our past starts to have no meaning and our future too, when we slow down and see that all we ever had is here now, that is when true awakening takes place.

If security and comfort is what you seek, you may struggle with this chaotic time we are in.

When we wait for our Governments to take care of us like the proverbial divine mother, we may be missing the point here. Our Governments are only meant to do so much for us. They are not our mothers or fathers, and nor should they be. We can accept the steps they put in place to help with our personal safety, but it is still down to us as individuals.

Times of chaos are times of revolution and as someone said on twitter recently, we are experiencing a Global Reset.

And as Osho said:

The times are very favourable, because there is so much chaos and so much confusion.

Now that’s something to really consider at this time.

Be well everyone and drop any attachment to wanting the comfortable, the secure and the known to be here and you will be okay. Trust in your ability to handle change, even painful change and allow love to fill your heart once again, regardless of any fear that arises.

And remember there is nothing wrong with how you feel at this time. Allow yourself to be perfectly imperfect and allow life to be the same too.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Kelly Martin Speaks

If you have a question or topic you are struggling with and would like me to answer on an upcoming podcast episode, please get in touch. Your name will be confidential. EMAIL me at kellymartinspeaks@gmail.com or message me on Facebook via my page Kelly Martin Speaks.

And don’t forget, if you feel that others are passing you by and ‘The Not Good Enough’ voice is screaming loudly, pop by kellymartin.uk to find out all about my books, including Book 1 ‘When Everyone Shines but You’

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Until next time…bye for now

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