I’ve written about money issues many times in this blog, how to recognise where we may be stuck and how we may have secondary benefits to why we do not allow financial abundance into our lives. Sometimes money problems are a deeper block and barrier to change than it is for other people. We unravel bit by bit what our beliefs are and how they are holding us back and we unpeel and reveal more layers.
This past week I have been beginning a new relationship with money. Connecting more to it, trying to understand why I keep it out of my life and why I don’t feel I deserve money.
A little while ago a local healer drew my attention to the fact that I had zero relationship with my bank account. At the time my best friend and housemate was managing our funds, he was checking my bank account daily, inputting into a spreadsheet our combined costs for sharing a home together and all the income and outgoings that took place. I allowed him to do this, because I was telling the story inside me that I was not good with money stuff, as a woman.
Women and Money Issues
I was brought up watching women in my life be given pocket money from their husbands. My grandfather would argue with my grandmother If she took a small amount of change out of the biscuit tin (a place I think she put a few pounds for essentials). And at the same time, I remember my grandfather getting out this thick wad of notes from his pocket and literally showing it off to me. So, I got mixed messages growing up:
- Women don’t have their own money
- Men take care of women
- Those with money are braggers
My mother never had her own money when I was living at home either, my father gave her what she asked for, but she had no sense of independence in that way, very disempowering.
Strong Unhealthy Money Beliefs
So, I saw a very unhealthy relationship with money and this was reinforced by statements told to me while I was growing up that ‘people with money are evil’, ‘it’s alright for some!’ (so not alright for me) and so forth.
My relationship with money was ‘receive it and get rid of it as soon as possible’. It was also ‘do not have too much, because rich people are bad people and greedy’.
After seeing the healer, I started to have a relationship with my bank account. I was really resistant at first, I got very stressed and tense, but eventually I got to know the ins and outs of what was going on, what was coming out and what was needed. I did my own budget on the spreadsheet and starting feel a better connection.
But money still did not increase, I had something else to understand.
Money Is Relationship and Trust
Money is exchanged between two people and so it is about relating to others. It is also about trust. If we don’t trust life, we probably have issues with money. If we don’t trust people, we probably have issues with money.
This was a big wake-up call for me. I realised that a big part of me did not trust life and more importantly, did not trust people.
I had been taught to not trust people growing up as a child, but also, as life does, I was gifted friends and people in my life who reinforced this lack of trust. I had friends who were unreliable, not available, not there when I needed them, and I did not trust them.
Money is a representation of how we trust. It is also not the big evil thing we are told it is. It is paper, it is coins, it is currency and bank cards but as a society we put hate, fear, anger, resentment, envy and lack into this simple reflection of energy. What we need to start doing is to pour love back into it and see it as love, not all the pain energy we have done to it.
Ho’oponopono and Money Healing
One day I sat down and held a £20 note in my hands, and I let myself feel what was coming up as I looked at it and I wondered how I felt.
What I felt was fear.
I felt this wall in my body go up to prevent me from receiving money.
To start my new money relationship, I started doing Ho’oponopono. You can find out more about this in my blog on Ho’oponopono here. I felt where in my body this block was, I looked at the money and I said something along the lines of:
– I’m sorry that I have poured so much fear into you.
– I’m sorry that I have poured resentment into you.
– I’m sorry if in other lifetimes I misused you and abused people or the world when I had a lot of money.
– I’m sorry that I saw you as bad or evil instead of spiritual. I did not know you were love, I am sorry, please forgive me.
– Thank you for showing me what I need to know.
I also realised as I did this, how much I had manipulated and expected money from men in my life because I had been taught this. How I had not allowed money in from doing what I loved and how I did not value myself or my skills so that money found no value in me.
I began to release any vows of poverty made in this lifetime or any other lifetime and in my mind’s eye I connected to all those broken friendships and relationships with women and I worked through those in the same way. I knew I had projected an expectation of women not being there in my life and in so doing I had mistrusted women as a whole. And as a woman, I was mistrusting myself. I did not value myself enough to welcome trustworthy people into my life.
And so, the relationship with money and trust is a big one to explore.
How Do We Let Go Of Money Issues?
- We need to explore, explore and explore.
- To find out what beliefs we are carrying that harm our ability to receive.
- To connect to our bank account and see what kind of relationship we have with it, because if we want money to come in, it has to have some place to go. If we have zero relationship, there is no place for the money to come in
- To hold money and bank cards in our hands and sense and feel the relationship we have to them.
- And start to unravel our trust issues and heal, forgive and bring love into this area.
This is not a quick fix, it’s ongoing for me and I imagine it will be for you too. If you have been carrying toxic money beliefs for a long time, it takes time to strip away the barriers to money and to become aware of what really needs to change.
My main desire is to drop the walls from receiving, to believe I deserve to have a regular income doing what I am passionate about. To be paid to be creative and all the while making a difference in the world. And to trust life to bring me what I need.
How are you with trusting life?