V Is For VULNERABILITY

Feeling vulnerable, something I have felt a lot in my life. Vulnerable in relationships, vulnerable in grief, vulnerable in loneliness – vulnerable.

Vulnerability In Relationships

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. 

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              ― Brené Brown

Opening our hearts to another can leave us feeling extremely vulnerable. Loving another and not knowing if they feel the same way or if they will reject that love can feel so scary. Sometimes we give to others and they are unable to give back, or we love and our love is rejected, but to allow that vulnerability, to allow ourselves to love, regardless of whether that love is returned is the path of the true warrior. Vulnerability as Brene Brown’s book states is ‘Daring Greatly!‘

And when we are loving another opening ourselves up sexually also is the greatest vulnerability, we are wide open allowing another to connect with us so deeply. Women feel this strongly, we emotionally connect probably more than men when it comes to making love, men may feel more vulnerable post-orgasm, but women feel that sense of vulnerability pre-sex and during and after. Sex and our hearts are deeply connected.

Vulnerability And Honesty

One thing I have learned in my journey through vulnerability is that sharing our fears, our challenges when with others not only gives others permission to express the same fears, but also through acknowledging our story a new sense of strength comes from within.

Vulnerability allows us to connect with others, it is not a weak, feeble, stressed feeling that people may always associate with it. Sharing our vulnerability shows our heart, shows our truth, allow us to all be perfectly human. We need more openness to vulnerability so we can as a society begin to be authentically ourselves.

I was talking to a friend about putting an advert on a dating site I said to him that it would pay for him to be very honest about who he is, about his own vulnerabilities because there are many women out there who are lonely and have been hurt a lot in the past, a man being very honest about his own vulnerable needs will open the door to a woman or women who need to feel safe through the vehicle of such deep honesty. Saying things like ‘new to relationships’ ‘nervous about beginning something new’ ‘ I was hurt in the past and just want someone to share my life with who is authentic and honest‘ is being vulnerable and women love such powerful honesty from a man.

A Powerful Ted Talk On Vulnerability

 

Opening To Vulnerability

• Be authentic, be honest. Share who you really are.
• Take risks – publish that book, give that talk, share your passions, stand up for what you believe in, do something new.
• Embrace ‘negative’ emotions. When you feel sad, feel sad and don’t resist it. When you feel anything that is deemed negative allow it and say to those feelings ‘Welcome’ and breath into those feelings. Acknowledging your right to feel is power.