On Being Raw, Authentic, Controversial And Challenging

After grappling with something this week I recognised that it is time to be proud of my uniqueness. I browse around countless other sites on-line, blogs, websites, You Tube channels, Facebook pages etc etc.. and I sit and wonder: ‘Why do they have so many followers? What do they do that I do not?’ And so it began, a thought process.

Mike helped me understand some of it this morning. He said when he was teaching (he taught maths and physics for 15 years at an all-boys’ school) he remembers two groups of boys’ names: the boys who were labelled ‘naughty’ and the boys that were labelled ‘smart and good’. All of the boys in between blurred into one big fog. Now while the ‘good’ boys and ‘bad’ boys were remembered, it is the fog that most people teach to. In other words to gain ‘followers’ one has to be:

a) Likeable
b) Informative
c) Offer something the masses want and need and
d) Comfortably sit in a place that is easy and fits in with what niche or group it is.

I realise, well I have realised for a long time, my writing does not fit in with the norm. And I am not speaking of the norm in terms of mass consciousness, but also in terms of ‘new age’ teachings or spiritual material. I am often bluntly honest, incredibly raw and open about what is going on inside my inner world. For many this could feel uncomfortable and to some, my ways of seeing the world are too far out and challenging.

Standing On My Own

It’s okay. I am coming to adapt to standing on my own because I can be no-one other than myself.

I did consider and researched “What can I do to bring in more followers?”. The usual rules applied.

  • See what people want.
  • Give people what they need and ask for.
  • Be upbeat and positive.
And most of the time it appeared to be about selling and marketing oneself. 
Last night I watched a documentary on the group ‘Pearl Jam’. One of my favourite groups as a teenager and what interested me about them is that they did not sell out to the commercialism of the music industry. They even took on the ticket seller Ticket-Master. They could have done things the way they have always been done in the music industry (e.g. followed what the music contract says to do, upped prices, made live events the same every time, the list of music they play on tour to be in order) but they didn’t. They followed what was right for them. And in doing so they kept who they were intact. Their music is still fresh; they are always changing and someone said on the documentary how Pearl Jam are the most predictably unpredictable.
I often take a look at my You Tube channel and look at other people’s channels. They have a lot of followers and they use the American style of selling the sizzle not the steak. All ‘Va va va voom!’ and loud, fast voices, championing you to feel what they feel. And while occasionally I feel that way, that level of energy for me personally cannot be sustained for long and I imagine it cannot be sustained by many.
I write what I feel, not what I feel will make people feel good or what the majority of people want to read. Which may seem crazy to any marketing guru. Maybe in the future I will feel inspired to expand in that way but now it feels totally alien to me. 
Some marketing bloggers recommend going to lots and lots of blogs each week and keep commenting on the blogs and how this is the best way of getting followers and people to comment on your blog. This may be the case, but in all honesty, I cannot trawl the Internet to find blogs I love just to get people to come to my blog. If I come across a blog I like it’s often by ‘accident’ or interest. Not for any particular purpose.

I Felt The Need To Belong

I used to participate a great deal on forums on-line. Huge forums. It was when I really felt the need to belong and to understand what was awakening in me, spiritually speaking. They were mainly forums about angels, guides, healing etc etc.. It was wonderful while it lasted but I always had thoughts that opposed even those groups, so I left eventually. Those forums would be great avenues to ‘get’ followers right now, but I just have not got it in me to do this.
So what I am trying to say here is that this is my affirmation of uniqueness. That to challenge, to be authentic, to be honest, to be transparent and to express rawness takes courage and the willingness to step away from the crowd. It is not always easy but there is nothing else I can do except be who I am.
I used to love the sizzle. It boosted me for some time (an example is following the Abraham Hicks’ teachings). But before long I felt something amiss and began to question the sizzle.  I am glad I did.
Are you more interested in the sizzle or the steak? 
How important is authenticity to you? 
Ethically speaking if you see someone on a video or at a conference boosting everyone with the sizzle, are you able to step back and assess the substance behind the sizzle? 
I look forward to your responses.
Kelly Martin
Kelly Martin

Kelly Martin, author of ‘When Everyone Shines But You’ is a dedicated writer and blogger who fearlessly explores life’s deepest questions. Faced with a decade of profound anxiety and grief following the loss of her father and her best friend Michael, Kelly embarked on a transformative journey guided by mindfulness, and she hasn’t looked back since. Through her insightful writing, engaging podcasts, and inspiring You Tube channel Kelly empowers others to unearth the hidden treasures within their pain, embracing the profound truth that they are ‘enough’ exactly as they are.

Find me on: Web | Twitter/X | Instagram | Facebook


  1. November 12, 2011 / 5:17 pm

    Hi Kelly,

    You're writing some fantastic posts. Keep being authentic, honest, raw and open. Don't bow to the gallery. You may have fewer followers, but they will also be real, authentic people, and you don't need the other kind.

  2. November 12, 2011 / 6:46 pm

    I only found you by accident kelly and I love reading your blog and watching your videos. I love your honesty too. There are far too many sugar coated blogs out in blogland and eventually they get found out. I too, write honestly and from the heart and only appeal to a select group of people. To me authenticity is more important than appealing to the masses even though I am saddened that my authentic self is not always popular to the majority. x

  3. November 13, 2011 / 12:14 am

    You know I love this blog 🙂

    I feel the same way you do. I can't comment all day to generate traffic. I can only read and visit blogs I truly find interesting and truly want to comment on.

    Here's how important authenticity is to me. My stats have been going way up due to a lot of traffic from some web sites in a foreign country. Once I figured out how to use Google Translator, I realized they were blogs that were just regenerating info that was already out there. All the traffic was also going through one post. Instead of taking the traffic to boost my stats, I deleted the post and reposted it under a different title.

    I firmly believe that being uniquely ourselves will generate our fan base over time. And it will be a stronger fan base as a result.

    Great post! 🙂

  4. November 15, 2011 / 6:07 pm

    Thanks as always Mike 🙂 you know me so well.

    Hi Simone, I am glad you found me by 'accident' I have come across the best blogs and info by 'accident'. AND yes too many sugar coated blogs in blogland and they all sound and look the same after a while. They repeat the same messages. I am with you on the saddened part. It can feel sad when our authentic selves are not always popular to the majority, but I guess I realise I probably wouldn't care if I respected myself more (see my most recent blog above this). HUGS and thanks for posting.

    Marla, much love to you babe. Glad we re-found one another on netsphere. I appreciate connecting with you here and on facebook. I had a similar thing happen with my blog google had set my main blog as an entry where I was taking a break from blogging I had to delete the post. I also at one time had a couple of scraper sites copy my work and repost it on their blogs. I got this sorted pronto.

    And yes, your probably right, a stronger fan base by being authentic. Thanks to all of you for your ongoing support.

    Hugs and love
    Kelly xxx

  5. Andy B
    November 18, 2011 / 10:35 pm

    I still believe and hope that lots of marketing and selling oneself is not all that necessary to be successful. It just doesn't seem natural to me .. I can't imagine Eckhart Tolle having big marketing campaigns!

  6. November 20, 2011 / 1:13 pm

    Hi Andy, I couldn't agree more, it feels very unnatural to me too. I imagine Eckhart by the flow of life was guided in the perfect directions and other people did the marketing for him. Hugs x

  7. Katherine
    December 18, 2011 / 12:04 pm

    Kelly, stumbled upon your Solstice video on You Tube – it's wonderful and really resonates with me.
    I will be doing a Solstice ritual next week and have taken many tips from the video.

    Blessed be. Katherine

  8. December 26, 2011 / 4:35 pm

    Hi Katherine, thanks for popping by. Hope your Solstice ritual went well. And happy Yule!

    Blessed be and much love
    Kelly xxx

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