Over the past year I have begun to notice a growing trend in spiritual circles, so much so I feel the need to talk about the rather large elephant in the room that many spiritual teachers are failing to address fully. The intense emphasis on positive thinking is creating a state of neurosis in many people on the spiritual path.
While some people are brought up to view life experiences positively, a greater number are not. While positive thinking may come naturally to a rare few, some interpret positive thinking as the way to enlightenment, a way to a better life. This is simply not true.
From Louise L Hay encouraging affirmations, saying ‘I LOVE YOU’ in the mirror, to Abraham Hicks encouraging everyone to get in ‘The Vortex’ to countless others, they fail to bring clearly to everyones attention that positive thinking is often a forced state by many because they feel they ‘should’ be thinking positive, even if they do not feel that way. Many faking it till they make it, going against the flow of their own inner state.
By pushing against ‘what is’ we merely increase the feeling of ‘negative’ thinking further.
No Need To Drown In The ‘Negative’
Stop fuelling the negative by resisting it through positive thinking!
Everything is a choice. We can drown in the feelings and thoughts if we play the story of ‘I must feel happy, better, relaxed’ – but we needn’t.
I Played The ‘Positive’ Story Or So I Tried
“If we really looked, we would see that the things we are labelling as positive, although they feel good and they release feel good hormones into the blood stream, those very things are often what hold us back and keep us dependent; we can even become addicted to and dependent upon those feelings. Whereas the things we are labelling as negative, are often the very things that help us to push forward, overcome obstacles and make us independently precocious.”
The ‘Dark’ Feelings Want Your Attention And Your Compassion
How Do You Know When You’re Smothering The Negative With The Positive?
“..if you are affirming when you’re in a dark place inside, you’re beating up that inner child and ignoring what they need – your love and attention not a beating over the head with a ‘positivity’ stick.”
If you visualise your ‘future’ when you feel in deep doubt, your abusing your inner child once again. These are all signals to begin paying real authentic attention to what is going on within you.
Time for present moment awareness – not occasionally but more consistently.
If I Don’t Think Better Thoughts My Life Will Never Change – Is This True?
Letting Go Of The Focus On ‘Trying To Be Positive Does Not Mean You Will Always Think Negative
Being mindful and not ‘trying’ to be positive when you feel like crap is not only a relief but allows you to experience real genuine compassion for yourself. This does not mean you will never think a positive thought ever, it simply means by being present, allowing the feelings without fighting, your thoughts naturally evolve into more relief bringing thoughts. You will no longer be all ‘RA RA RA my life is good!’ there will simply be no attachment to either good or bad (see HERE) and this in itself is a real blessing.
Compassion Is Not Fake Positive Thought
Mindfulness Is Beginning More And More To Be Used In Therapy Sessions
Therapists are now beginning to see the benefit of bringing people back to the present moment through mindfulness. They are beginning to recognise that distraction and resistance is not what is helping patients but by allowing and embracing feelings and getting in touch with the moment is key to finding relief from symptoms.
So if you want a different way of looking at your feelings and experiences and are finding ‘Positive’ thinking is not working, begin right where you are now. Stop distracting from the feelings and let your feelings become your family. And release your attachments to the positive.
It may just be what brings you the freedom you have been seeking all along.
And if you are based in the UK check out this article in the Guardian this year. You may have an NHS in your area funding a course in mindfulness.
If you live outside the UK type ‘Mindfulness Course’ or classes into the search engine for your area.
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Kelly Martin, author of ‘When Everyone Shines But You’ is a dedicated writer and blogger who fearlessly explores life’s deepest questions. Faced with a decade of profound anxiety and grief following the loss of her father and her best friend Michael, Kelly embarked on a transformative journey guided by mindfulness, and she hasn’t looked back since. Through her insightful writing, engaging podcasts, and inspiring You Tube channel Kelly empowers others to unearth the hidden treasures within their pain, embracing the profound truth that they are ‘enough’ exactly as they are.
Hi, Kelly, a very interesting post. I remember a quote Tony Robbins said along the lines of positive thinking being like a garden full of weeds, where you expect them to go by ignoring them. What you really need to do is go inside and pull those weeds up.
I'm lucky that positive thinking is what changed my life. It was the beginning of something that flipped the way I looked at things. I agree that simple positive thinking on its own is not enough. Healing from the inside is required as well. I still use positive thinking, because it does get me into the place I need to be.
I feel that it works for some people and it doesn't for others. Like with most spiritual tools. 🙂
wow, this is so real and saying it like it is. Sometimes the spiritual books can make you feel a bit guilty if you are not on the level of their beliefs. Like you I feel there's been a big emphasis on positive thinking and it's got a bit out of balance.
This is clearly a post written from experience. Always good to see you writing from your heart. Keep up the good work 🙂
Glad to hear that you feel it has worked for you Rachel.
To me, in essence, I feel that if anyone is present enough, embracing all feelings, there is no need for affirmations, for example – life is then their affirmation. For me it was always a temporary thing and I feel it is possibly the same for many. A sugar coated statement that is very temporary, gives a temporary uplift but the stuff underneath is still there and needs to be embraced at some point. Most people I am sure will readily admit, when in the pits of despair, when feeling hopeless, when feeling like a failure saying to themselves "today is going to be a really good day" or "life is just getting better and better" for example is a hit with a positivity stick that increases the negative energy they are trying to not feel. But it all depends where you are coming from on positive thinking? Perhaps you can share how positive thinking has been a more consistent tool for you and in what way? I am interested in how it works for some and not others as you say.
Thank you Andy, yes I have been there bought the t-shirt (bought a whole shops worth of t-shirts). I do feel we need to come back to centre and focus on the very simple of teachings now – now is all there is and here is where we are. So if we can embrace all of who we are, the good, bad, ugly and indifferent, right now, without trying to make ourselves feel something other than how we feel, the relief, freedom and openness is far greater than the temporary relief say for example affirmations can bring. Or in some cases the deeper resistance affirmations can bring. I feel there is a negative side to positive thinking, as much as there is an imbalanced side to immersing wholely in the negative. If we remove the labels of 'this is a better thought' or 'this is a bad thought', I am sure life would flow more freely. We attach to the good and bad and this causes so many internal issues for us humans being. And just to talk of labels I find if we must label labelling thoughts neutrally has helped me heaps "critical mind" "future mind" etc etc… this brings it home to me that I am not my thoughts.
great post.