How Do I Stop The Yearning?


In my blog ‘The Art Of Letting Go’ and ‘The More You Want Less Changes’ I spoke of embracing what we have and recognising that what we need we have right now. Something that I feel is important for me to know, is how do we, when in the midst of life, release the yearning side of our natures? How do we embrace where we are, acknowledge the wonderful in our daily lives, when we are triggered by something that creates this yearning inside for something other, how do we handle this aspect of our nature?

I know that when I am fully present, fully in the moment, fully engaged in whatever I am doing, be it an activity, to simply being in nature, I am not aware of any yearning.  However, this yearning for more nearly always arises at some point in my day or week, and this yearning feels like it is coming from a place of lack.  My mind, while doing the yearning also wants to be the part of me that wants to chop off the head of the yearning me.

Can we ever stop the yearning for more from a place of lack?

And if we can’t, does this mean nothing changes?

While I intellectually get that to release the resistance, is to release the resistance to yearning to begin with, I am still wanting further clarity on this and to emotionally ‘get it’.

When do we yearn?

We yearn when we have stepped outside the now.
We yearn when we allow old thinking to step back into our consciousness.
We yearn when we are triggered by emotional wounding by friends, family or life highlighting our difference, through comparison.

Most of all, we yearn when we believe we must be doing something other than what we are doing now, or having something more than we have right now.  The mind tells us, ‘this is not enough’.

Needless to say it is our need for control of our lives that further reinforces the yearning.  We may think being with ‘what is’ in our lives isn’t going to give us the changes we want, and we create a sense of urgency within ourselves.  We are often careless with our feelings, careless with how we treat ourselves during this time of yearning.  We beat ourselves up for both yearning and not being able to stop yearning creating a lose-lose situation.

Accept The Yearning

So for me I know the first step is to accept that I am yearning.  And then it is time to love the aspect of me that yearns for something more.  To acknowledge it is okay, it is natural to have feelings like this arise. And just because we may be sitting being, or looking at the same walls it is our resistance to those walls that stops the flow of change, not the walls.

Once we are able to look at the walls, really look at the walls, take a deep breath of acceptance and appreciation of their place in our world, the walls no longer seem like walls.

As humans, for some reason, we may have this belief that we need to ‘do’ in order to ‘have’ or ‘be’ something different. Yet when we push against ‘what is’ we simply keep ourselves in a holding pattern for however long we do this for.

The sun shines, it rises each morning, yet we do not judge it for rising in the same place of the sky do we? We do not push against the sun shining.  We have simply accepted its place in our world. It is ‘what is’.  And through our acceptance, our acknowledgement and appreciation it enhances our world around us, we grow, the planet grows, the air we breathe happens, the food we need to nourish us is there… all because we have this amazing sun.

In our awareness of the awesomeness of the present moment, our day-to-day lives and life become more vibrant, more energetic and more juicy!

As we release our resistance to yearning; as we allow ourselves to yearn without berating ourselves for doing so, we bring the yearning into a space of nurturing and love and it loses its sting.

And to trust, really trust, that whatever we are doing, wherever we are and whoever we are with, is exactly what is meant to be and that at this moment great mystery knows the way.

This will make life so much sweeter and day-to-day living a blessing instead of a curse.


Kelly Martin
Kelly Martin

Kelly Martin, author of ‘When Everyone Shines But You’ is a dedicated writer and blogger who fearlessly explores life’s deepest questions. Faced with a decade of profound anxiety and grief following the loss of her father and her best friend Michael, Kelly embarked on a transformative journey guided by mindfulness, and she hasn’t looked back since. Through her insightful writing, engaging podcasts, and inspiring You Tube channel Kelly empowers others to unearth the hidden treasures within their pain, embracing the profound truth that they are ‘enough’ exactly as they are.

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  1. May 7, 2011 / 12:56 pm

    "And to trust, really trust, that whatever we are doing, wherever we are and whoever we are with, is exactly what is meant to be and that at this moment great mystery knows the way." – love this 🙂

    Very enjoyable post Kelly, certainly a subject that everyone can identify with, I agree with you, I strongly believe in allowing ourselves to 'feel' what we feel without judging if it's 'right' or 'wrong'.

  2. May 7, 2011 / 2:40 pm

    Thanks Lee Ann, really appreciate your comment. Its such an experience to allow the feelings. I, for the longest time in my life resisted the feelings and as distractions are released from my life I have only the feeling. So the feeling is bringing me home to myself. Big hugs xxxx

  3. Anonymous
    February 17, 2012 / 12:20 am

    HI Kelly,

    I quite liked your post. I am in a place in my life right now, where I am constantly filled with acute longing for what I believe I was capable of achieving, and through my own mistakes, didn't. I alternate between anguish and anger, and reproaching myself, telling myself that I am lucky to have and be who I am. But it just doesn't go. Especially when I compare myself to my peers and essentially, how my life was supposed to be. I just can't help but feel that I will never make it. I applaud you for your sensibility and common sense, and hope that one day, I too can learn to be content with my life, because deep down, I know I am truly lucky.

  4. May 24, 2013 / 7:45 am

    🙂 this resonates with me a lot. I have moments when I'm more present and moments when I feel the lack, particularly when I get triggered or have a bad day. Awareness and acceptance of this side of us .. something I know intellectually but don't find easy at times. This could be very helpful today. Thank you Kelly

  5. May 24, 2013 / 5:45 pm

    Glad it is helpful Andy, I still find years after writing a post it is as relevant for me as it is for anyone else.

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