The Excitement Of Not Knowing!

Isn’t it exciting to not know? to not know where you are going or what you are awakening within you? One year ago I would have said the prospect of not having plans for the future or ideas about what I am to do with my life would have sent me into panic mode. Not anymore.As I said in another post my life has had a lot of changes in a short space of time. Mikes now no longer working at Asda and we are settling in to being family instead of romantic partners. Any anxiety has been replaced with excited anticipation and not knowing where life is leading me.

My current work in a little gift shop in my local area has given me overtime hours, so financially, things are still enjoyably moving. We have changed the shape of our home-life where I go out to work and Mike enjoys discovering more about himself and creating new avenues in his life.

Its really wonderful to be in a position where life simply flows. Whereas in the past I had a long list of shoulds and what I thought I ought to be doing in my life I honestly don’t know where life is taking me. What is even more amazing is I don’t want to know in advance, I want to feel the thrill of life bringing me potentials and allowing myself to step into those that feel good for me. I would never had believed a year ago I could experience this within myself! Yay for me!

I am also finding such a depth of love for Mother Earth now, since working with my power animal I find myself being cocooned in natures love.

We went for a walk this afternoon and I asked Mike to walk the opposite direction to me around our favourite pond walk in the Forest of Dean so I could have some ‘me’ time and he did and I enjoyed a gentle saunter around the pond and felt such amazing emotion.

In the past I did not understand what this emotion was in my body I thought I was sad because I was so used to feeling sad and depressed in my life so what else could it be? I now recognise it as love. Nature loving me back into my real existence my plant nature, my spirit nature.

I did a journey in a meditation recently and was enveloped in a large leaf. I felt like I was being hugged by Gaia. I would like to explore this more because I know sometimes in nature my mind can go into overdrive and I can feel a fight inside me of the internal chatterbox, but sometimes I feel this silence and embrace the possibility of accessing this at all times.

On my walk today I saw green, blue and red dragonfly’s. I talked to them gently and they flew so close to me I could see their thousands of eyes and their luminescent colours.

If you awoke this morning and you found yourself devoid of a role, devoid of identifying with a job, a place or a home how would you feel? frightened? or excited to be alive?

I choose excitement.

Kelly Martin
Kelly Martin

Kelly Martin is the author of ‘When Everyone Shines But You’ , a passionate writer and blogger questioning life’s illusions. After what seemed like a decade of intense anxiety, feelings of failure and grief from the loss of her father she chose to take a mindfulness path and has not looked back since. Kelly encourages people to find the treasures that lie within the pain and suffering and to learn to see themselves as ‘enough’ exactly as they are, right now through her writing and You Tube channel .

Find me on: Web | Facebook


  1. August 22, 2007 / 11:44 pm

    Nice, Kelly. I love how things are unfolding for you. Your understanding of your own true emotions, your realization that it was okay to be friends,just not on a romantic basis, yet remaining family. Very insightful. The pictures are wonderful! Where did you find them?

  2. August 25, 2007 / 1:54 pm

    hello again, the pictures I found on google I think I typed in either earth mother or Gaia.

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