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EPISODE 101 – PODCAST TRANSCRIPT
Hi there, welcome back to Kelly Martin Speaks. I’m your host Kelly Martin and this is episode 101.
Today I am going to talk about feeling lost. I’ve noticed a few people recently have been talking about feeling lost. The current changing reality related to the pandemic and the ways we have to relate to one another through social distancing amplifies this feeling, big time.
I’ve felt lost a lot in my life, so it’s familiar to me. To many who may have lived a fuller busier life, having less to do, feeling a change of identity, especially if you identified with your role in life, be it working role, social role etc… this can come as a huge shock and can actually feel quite depressing. It’s what those of us who talk about a spiritual journey mean when we say we are in the void.
The void is not a bad place to be. It is a place of much potential and possibility. It is a time of considering what works, what doesn’t and deciding whether we want to change things, slow things down or speed things up a notch.
If it’s your first time having a more prolonged feeling of being lost, I’m going to share with you some of the tips I’ve gained from being in the void, but first I want to share a very relevant message from the spiritual teacher Jeff Foster. And it’s called…
Trust the Darkness
If you are lost
If nothing makes sense anymore
If all your reference points…
have collapsedThe old life is crumbling now
If the mind is foggy, tired, busy.
If the organism is exhausted
and longs to rest.Celebrate
Trust.
This is a rite of passage
not an error.You are healing
in your own original way.Contact the ground now
Breathe in, out
Make room for the visitors:
The sorrow, doubt, fear, anger.
An ancient emptiness –
That just wants to be felt
They just want to pass through.You are a vessel, not the separate self.
You are the sky, not the passing weather.The old life is falling away.
A new life is being born.Others may not understand
But trust anyway
Celebrate
Contact the ground.
During the void this is exactly what it feels like, to feel lost. You see the old life no longer resonates, you are not sure what the new life is, and you stand there dangling between the two places.
In our modern day society, we have been misled to believe that being lost is wrong, that we must find our way and do it quickly. We have been taught that we mustn’t linger in the void or this lost place and that we must grab onto something, anything that looks structured and organised.
I remember when I was in my twenties, I had just returned from backpacking around Australia. I had gone from a life of structure, college, University, work as well and so I took a year off and worked some in Australia, but most of the time I just let go of all normal routines and travelled.
I got used to the freedom of not knowing what was next or what I would see or do. I loved the feeling of following my instincts, not having anyone telling me that I should do this or that and so when I returned, I was in a state of shock. I moved back into my parents’ home for a while and had to go into a tiny room as my sister had been given my room while I was away. This room had one window and it was not a proper window either. So, I felt claustrophobic and hemmed in.
When I got home, the pressure was on immediately to get to work. I was no longer at University and my father had been brought up on the work ethos that you work hard, and it doesn’t matter if you like it, you just work hard.
So, I felt forced into structure. I never got the time to be in that lost space, that void. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life, and I didn’t have time to consider it. One day I was at a temporary job, a reception job, which was awful, no training, I felt very anxious and the entire place smelled of fish (it was a seafood factory), I hated every minute of it, so I walked out.
Being Idle Is Not A Bad Thing
When I got home my father shouted at me and called me lazy. As a result, I have been working through this conditioning and trying to find the balance between following my instincts, choosing what works for me, and not getting lost in other people’s desires for me.
My father, like many of his generation were never taught to sit idly by and do nothing. To be idle was to be lazy. To simply be, was wrong.
I imagine many people have this kind of unconscious programming that prevents them from embracing the void or being in this lost place.
So right now, if you are feeling in a lost place, be it generally in life, or because of the pandemic and lockdown measures, try to do the following:
- Don’t try and fix the lost feeling. Allow it to simply be something that you are feeling
- Allow the feelings that arise, from sadness, doubt, fear, anger, frustration, and a sense of their urgency to be there, as Jeff said, welcome these visitors to your life experience
- Ask yourself if the life that you feel lost from, was it nourishing you in all ways. Perhaps the lost feeling is highlighting to you how you perhaps were not meeting all your own needs. You may have been meeting your financial needs, your work needs, your social needs, but were you meeting your spiritual needs, your soul needs, and your emotional needs?
- See if you can stop the need to fill the lost feeling, or the feeling of the void, with measures like surfing social media, over-eating, taking stimulants like drinking too much coffee. Perhaps any brain fog you may have is encouraging you to rest
- Take some time out to rest more, take an afternoon nap, instead of fuelling your day with stimulation
- Let go of the need to make important decisions, now is not the time
- Use your time for more reflective moments, like meditation, creativity, journaling, art, music
During this time when you feel lost, try not to think that you are going backwards or missing out on something. Whatever you are meant to experience you will, at the exact time you are meant to experience it, not a moment before.
This is a time of letting go of control. A time to remember that nothing is permanent and that everything changes. Right now, you are simply feeling lost and this is okay, more than okay.
You will find your path, your direction, and your flow when it is time to do so.
For now, take it easy, practice self-kindness and allow life to simply be.
Thanks for listening to this episode of Kelly Martin Speaks
If you have a question or topic you are struggling with and would like me to answer on an upcoming podcast episode, please get in touch. Your name will be confidential. EMAIL me at kellymartinspeaks@gmail.com or message me on Facebook via my page Kelly Martin Speaks.
And don’t forget, if you feel that others are passing you by and ‘The Not Good Enough’ voice is screaming loudly, pop by kellymartin.uk to find out all about my books, including Book 1 ‘When Everyone Shines but You’
You can also support my channel via my podcast page on my website kellymartinspeaks.co.uk via Paypal or buy me a coffee via ko-fi.
Until next time…bye for now
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Kelly Martin, author of ‘When Everyone Shines But You’ is a dedicated writer and blogger who fearlessly explores life’s deepest questions. Faced with a decade of profound anxiety and grief following the loss of her father and her best friend Michael, Kelly embarked on a transformative journey guided by mindfulness, and she hasn’t looked back since. Through her insightful writing, engaging podcasts, and inspiring You Tube channel Kelly empowers others to unearth the hidden treasures within their pain, embracing the profound truth that they are ‘enough’ exactly as they are.
