“For change to occur in us, we must be willing to enter the wilderness of the unknown and to wander in unfamiliar territory, directionless and often in the darkness….We do not need to keep every little thing under control. In fact, we find ourselves only by allowing some falling apart to happen.”
― Maureen Brady
I’m having to face some hard truths right now. Scary truths, uncertain truths, but truths all the same. Without going into great detail publicly, I’ve been avoiding making some changes in my life, but doing so is no longer working.
These changes were resisted because I thought somehow, life would just change without me having to do much. I thought I would be inspired to do something that would feel really good, but instead life has pushed me into a corner where I know that if I don’t create the changes now, I may be stuck between a rock and a hard place in the future.
People for years have tried to tell me I needed to make certain changes, but many of these people didn’t know how much conditioning I have had to unravel to simply get to this place where I accept that I must make new choices. When people say, ‘Oh just go and make that change’. It could be sorting your health out, it could be ending a relationship, it could be changing jobs or moving house…the list is endless, but unless another has been completely in our shoes, they can never know what stops us from making changes.
And anyone that says change is easy is kidding themselves. I think most people find change tough.
I’m resistant still to these changes, my body resists, my mind creates exhaustion to stop me following through, my mind distracts me with sunny weather, but I know now that I have to make these changes. I have to surrender into action instead of non-doing.
We Are Very Committed
Sometimes when we are facing a crossroads or an opportunity for growth, we will do everything in our power to not make a decision or take an action. We may be fearful of failure or success. We may be very committed to things not working out. I recently realised it wasn’t that I was unable to commit to tasks, but that I was very capable of commitment.
I was just highly committed to failure.
I showed myself how highly talented I was at commitment, I just committed to stagnation and it’s no longer working.
Sometimes we have pressures mounting and we see a potential stop sign or cliff edge coming up and we try to pretend it’s not there, but eventually the cliff edge gets closer and we realise that if we don’t do something, anything, that cliff edge will be upon us.
We have choices – to wait until the cliff comes and we fall off it, or we become aware of the impending cliff edge and we start making changes.
But importantly we can’t rush these changes like a frightened rabbit in headlights. Why? Because if we do, we are doing so from a fearful place not a place of grace.
Often, we just need to take one step forward.
Make one phone call.
Send off our CV.
Speak to a doctor.
Have a conversation with our partner.
Look at an estate agents…
One step
“Thinking will not overcome fear, but action will.” ~W. Clement Stone
The first step is often the hardest, acknowledging that we need to take action in the first place. Acknowledging that our situation as it stands is no longer sustainable or no longer working.
Once we acknowledge that we are avoiding the changes needed, we start to consider what we can do. Maybe we make a list of potential options. We then look at the list and prioritise what comes first.
We then make time to take the first step, but we also create a reward for making that step.
So perhaps you are suffering from mental health issues like depression and have been for a long time, so your first step may be to pick up the phone and call your doctor to make an appointment.
After your visit you take yourself out for a coffee or buy a new book or do something that brings even a little relief your way.
Or perhaps you send off your CV for a job and your reward is you play some great music and have a dance.
Your reward can be anything, so long as it doesn’t make you slip back into sluggishness or non-doing. So long as procrastination doesn’t arise again.
I want to give you my own high five for even thinking about this change, because I know from my own experience how much struggle you may be feeling. I understand that you are probably wondering if there is an easier way, can I just not do it? Whatever ‘it’ is. I hear that you are scared and understand that you fear failure, you fear what will result from taking this action. I hear that a part of you, that part which you may not be able to hear, fears success also, fears what will change if things do work out.
All I want to say to you is, I am here in solidarity with you.
Let’s make our collective steps together, one by one.
I’m scared.
You’re scared.
Let’s do it anyway.
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Kelly Martin, author of ‘When Everyone Shines But You’ is a dedicated writer and blogger who fearlessly explores life’s deepest questions. Faced with a decade of profound anxiety and grief following the loss of her father and her best friend Michael, Kelly embarked on a transformative journey guided by mindfulness, and she hasn’t looked back since. Through her insightful writing, engaging podcasts, and inspiring You Tube channel Kelly empowers others to unearth the hidden treasures within their pain, embracing the profound truth that they are ‘enough’ exactly as they are.
