Do you realise how much you paint this life you live? While I followed the law of attraction, create your reality, for a long time, nothing has come close to explaining the meaning of life until recently.
As I mentioned in my blog entry ‘On Being A Victim – The Larger Perspective’, this reality of form is an illusion of the senses. The picture is far wider, far bigger than I ever imagined. I had an inkling that life was limitless but I did not understand what exactly this meant. I had been pondering for a long time: ‘What would I be without this body?’ and I got back that I would be energy, pure energy, possibly light, much like the rays of the sun. And this train of thought has led to hundreds of questions. The more I ponder the more questions I have. The answers cannot be pinned down or held onto; they can only drift in and out as we open up more.
In the law of attraction and the create your reality teachings available, we would be encouraged to envision the life we want in pictures and feelings, imagining a world we would like to experience. Some may want a new car or house, some a relationship or more money; the list is endless on human desire yet the purest understanding I got from all of this was that desires are empty of substance when we are unable to make the most of where we are in the here and now.
The message I’m receiving a lot lately is that of gentle integration, gentle change, small incremental steps in my life unfolding and my world expanding. It is so easy to get on the bandwagon of ‘wanting’ and listing all the things I want or desire in my world, but I realise, looking back at my list of previous desires, that they will come as needed. And this need is a deeper experience of life.
I was pondering money this week. Would I like a million pounds? Intellectually? Yes. Wanting? Yes. Needing – right now? No.
What feels easy, what feels open, what feels ready, blossoms and flows into our world. It’s a game of play. We play with experiencing. What does it feel like to receive £100 or less? What am I open to changing in my world? How would I feel if a million came right now? Am I ready to experience a ‘little’ change? And as I experience a little change I can practice getting used to the new and at some stage I may decide to experience a little more change. It’s incremental. It’s gentle penetration.
So many lottery winners may be on the wavelength of a million pounds and receive a million pounds. They may also (like many) be unprepared for this huge change in their lives. And so fulfil any old dramas of lack by spending it quickly and getting it out of their hands. The need they may be fulfilling is to experience loss, or to experience change and all the emotions and physical changes along this track. The big win was a vehicle for their own expansion in whatever way is perfect for them. It was probably nothing to do with the money – or the illusion of money.
On my walk today I had some difficult questions arising. If this world is an illusion – if this grass beneath my feet is not really there, but is a manifestation of form projected from pure consciousness – how can I love the illusion of this world? And my answer was play. The world – my world – is different from your world. What I see through my eyes and feel through my senses is completely different from anyone else’s experience. The colours are different, the smells are different. What I enjoy, what I don’t enjoy – all different. And so I choose to see my world as a canvas. I love art; I love painting. So instead of worrying about how to love the illusion that is not real, I choose to paint my canvas.
It is exciting to realise that this world through these eyes was painted by the purity of my being. Even these eyes are part of the painting. Without these fingers I would not be able to transmit these feelings into words on this page. This form, this body, this room, the window I see looking out towards the trees outside – one fantastically huge and limitless painting. A three-dimensional, form-filled world.
My question is – what is on my canvas that needs maybe painting out? What needs to be added to my canvas with my inner paintbrush? What am I ready to see and experience in my world?
A little while ago I was watching a video by a woman who calls herself Goddess Leonie (of Goddessguidebook.com). She was talking about art and those paintings you may hate or really don’t like. She said do not throw the painting away. Just sit with it or be with it and discover what it is in the painting that you don’t like. I found it fascinating that my art highlights what I am not ready to face or experience. And the same goes with the world I am painting.
I painted a vision-painting a little while back and the bottom left hand corner was changed many times over. I had painted a dolphin and it never looked right so I painted it out. I knew that this resistance to this aspect of my vision was not ready to be revealed and so I just let it go until one day I just knew I was to paint a butterfly there. It completed the picture. I did not feel anymore resistance to this new vision or landscape of my life. And once it was complete my life made me let it go. That particular vision of life. And so, instead of envisioning a new future for myself I have spent time placing my attention here – right now.
After taking down all the images and removing all the books related to this vision – I cried my heart out. I was grieving for the loss of the future vision but I am so very glad now that I let it go. The vision is still in my heart yet I know when I am ready to paint that picture into my world I will pick up my paintbrush and paint.
I love to look at my world now and see all the characters and people in it that I painted in. I have so much to learn on this and so much to become aware of. Some characters I want to paint out but I know that just as with my dolphin painting I will paint them out when I really truly ‘need’ to, on every single level of my being.