You Can’t Learn To Be Alone Until You’ve Been Lonely

Man Sunset Water Outline Alone

The sacredness of solitude is so often an overlooked experience to be had in life.  Society is made to pity the lonely or those who live alone. Later in life single people at dinner parties are pitied by married couples with children.  When you hit 30 it’s as if the whole world has gone mad in its desire to have you settled down and married.  Especially as a woman.

And to actively choose to be alone, some may look on in horror.

Maybe we will turn into old ladies with lots of cats and have purple hair,
but if we were happy would we really care?

Loneliness can turn into depression if the person experiencing the loneliness is not aware that being alone can be an enlightening life-enhancing experience.  Many people experience a scent of the lonely and they go running to the nearest man or woman for a relationship, to the nearest bottle to comfort themselves, to drugs or food.

Lonely is only lonely when it isn’t brought into the light of our own hearts.
We look through our eyes and see ourselves as apart.

And in a physical sense we all are, but we have the answers within this ‘lonely’ we talk of.

My brand of  ‘Lonely’ was expressed just today in ‘Letting The Lonely Go’. As I wrestled with feelings and screamed out loud, while tears flooded my face, I asked myself:  “Do I want more friends, more activity, more busy-ness in my quiet solitude?” My mind shouted: “Hell Yes!”, yet my soul, my heart, said “No”.  It said “I feel  like I am still coming from a wounded place”.  A place where my neediness would infringe upon any friendship I could have, and my feelings of who I am would be totally misplaced.

Today is not the time for extroverted outwardness.  Now is the time for exactly this.

If I needed lots of friends and activities in my day,
It is quite simple, they would be here for me and they would stay,
When I am ready for outward interaction and a busier life,
It will be here now and this would be my time.

For I still feel we have what we need and we need what we have.  Otherwise we would not be living the life we lead.

So much learning can come from this time alone.
It is scary yet rewarding to spend this time on my own.

For while I may want the outer trappings of the mind.
I look at the truth, my authentic nature wants me to find.

Inside me is a treasure trove of love.
Inside me is a cave full of jewels.
Inside me is an amazing friend.
Inside me is rewards a plenty.
Inside me.

And my quest for now is to become aware of what is inside me.
For I feel that to come from a place of inner wealth, inner strength, inner beauty and inner love, is the best gift I could ever give to this world.

Imagine interacting with the world in a whole different way,
Imagine loving and appreciating life from within you today,
Can you see how rewarding life would be?
How every detail of your life would fall into place as you follow your creativity?

When the Buddha sat under the Bodhi tree
He sat for many days and nights
Not a lonely bone emerged
Because inside he put it all right.

This is the path for me
I decree..

All my travels,
ALL my journeys
I take first inside me.

And as I outwardly travel
And as I outwardly journey
My inner light is there for all to see.

I love the idea of appreciating and accepting who I am.
I love the idea of recognising my beauty, my love from inside,
I love the idea of treasuring every feeling that I am beautifully blessed with,
I love the idea of noticing the world around me with nothing to hide.

Imagine meeting new people, new friends,
Not out of a need for friendship or connection,
But because they crossed your blessed path,
And they enter your life to share affection.

Imagine walking in this world,
Observing all you see,
From a place of centre and wholeness and feeling light and free.

For this is my path.
This is my journey.

And so it is….

A Wonderful Video Can Be Seen On You Tube On This Subject:

How To Be Alone


How does loneliness affect you?


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Kelly Martin
Kelly Martin

Kelly Martin, author of ‘When Everyone Shines But You’ is a dedicated writer and blogger who fearlessly explores life’s deepest questions. Faced with a decade of profound anxiety and grief following the loss of her father and her best friend Michael, Kelly embarked on a transformative journey guided by mindfulness, and she hasn’t looked back since. Through her insightful writing, engaging podcasts, and inspiring You Tube channel Kelly empowers others to unearth the hidden treasures within their pain, embracing the profound truth that they are ‘enough’ exactly as they are.

Find me on: Web | Twitter/X | Instagram | Facebook


  1. May 9, 2011 / 9:53 am

    Thanks hun xx

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