EPISODE 109 – PODCAST TRANSCRIPT
From my book ‘When Everyone Shines INCLUDING You’
Hi there, welcome back to Kelly Martin Speaks. I’m your host Kelly Martin and this is episode 109.
Today I am going to delve a little deeper into opening to the new when perhaps our lives have been littered with darkness and tough times and to do this I am going read you a chapter from my second book ‘When Everyone Shines Including You’. As I embrace my own experience of NEW it felt a good time to revisit a specific chapter and it may support any of you who are also moving in a new direction or simply letting go of the old.
There was once a time when you felt that you would never achieve or experience anything of value in your world. You felt that you would be left behind forever, always feeling like you were a waste of space, and that you perhaps felt you would be left by the wayside, alone, shadowed in darkness, and that your life challenges were of no meaning and had no value.
You may have wondered why on earth you chose to become a human this time around, and why you would choose such harsh lessons if there were neither rhyme nor reason to any of this living.
And as those around you swam forward and achieved much in terms of material and ambitious success, it felt as if you were going to drown – forever.
But the tides turn.
The tides always turn for those committed to love, committed to living a satisfying life, for those who know they have so much to give and so much to offer to humanity and to the earth itself.
You never believed that those very dark places you felt lost in for so long contained the very answers to all your prayers.
Nobody had taught you that to discover your light, you needed to walk through your dark first. They never informed you that to awaken to your soul’s mission and reason for being here meant diving deep into sadness, anger and frustration.
Many of the great books of this world forgot to mention that the light is there where the dark is. And avoiding the pain merely pushed you further away from that which you truly are.
And so here you begin.
The presence you have cultivated by being in the moment; the awareness that has grown from meditation, from dropping into your heart when times were tough, and the beginning of your worth, is now revealed.
It is a hallelujah moment to finally see a sparkle of esteem awaken and light up inside, when your worth comes from within – not from without. You start to be seen, to be noticed by those in your life and strangers that you meet.
Drink in this new light, this ‘You’ shining bright.
What a gift you are and always have been, but now you are starting to experience yourself as Source, as Life, as the Universe, with eyes and senses of light and a heart filled with love.
It has begun.
All Eyes Drift to Your Presence
People who never noticed you before, those you often felt extremely invisible around, suddenly pay attention when you speak, when you move and when you walk.
You may walk along the street and become attractive to many people, but to you nothing has changed, but to them they sense your energy, no longer shrouded in a cloak.
As you walk among crowds, people want to talk to you, want to get to know you, find you enchanting, interesting, vibrant. And you feel at ease conversing and you wonder why things have changed so much.
Learn to swim in this new terrain. Settle into this new brighter space.
Your worth is revealed now.
Step into your grace.
It’s funny when you realise that the answers to your prayers have been tapping you on the shoulder for a lifetime. I wanted so much to love myself, but I soon realised that we cannot love ourselves until we accept who we are.
This acceptance means accepting our thoughts, our feelings, the life outside of us and everything about us.
It wasn’t as easy as reciting ten ‘I love you’ affirmations in the mirror. For me it took hitting rock bottom, wondering why on earth I was on this planet, and realising that I had no place else to go but within.
Over a period of time I began to practice mindfulness, being present with my breath, my feelings, and I began to be a watcher of my thoughts through meditation.
I sat quietly, in the dark, without music and I witnessed my inner world. I felt those hard harsh feelings. Most of the time, sorrow and sadness were my go-to emotions. It was the feelings that arose so much, orchestrated by self-criticism and stories playing of who I thought I was, but I went there, I faced and embraced those feelings with openness.
I leaned into them, some days successfully, some days I resisted those feelings, but I kept coming back to self, and over time a feeling started to bubble up from within – love.
It was not intellectual love. It was not my mind saying I love you. It was my heart feeling it. By allowing the space of pain to be present and felt, I left space for life, Source, and the Universe to fill me up with the purest feeling. The mind and ego could not have made this stuff up. It was genuine, real unconditional love.
And slowly I began to introduce new thoughts that were more encouraging. I was able to listen to hypnosis tracks (Hypno peripheral programming), where stories were told to me in a loving way that gave me a sense of relief and I felt more empowered, assertive and strong in my sense of self.
I no longer judged my life as being less than others or hopeless. I began to see my emotional world as equally valid, if not more so than the outer material achievements I had been so envious of.
My emotional world was littered with diamonds, and one of those diamonds was me.
This was only just the beginning.
This chapter reminded me that right now a few years on, my life has changed so dramatically from this period, now only have I had many new experiences, but I continue to accept and love who I am. I learned to let go of my attachment to drama and darkness and also my attachment to positivity or joy, by doing so life flows in a new way and stress is a lot less than it ever was before. Even when outwardly things may look challenging, inwardly I built the tools over time to handle what comes my way. And new terrain always comes, we just become better able to handle it when it arrives.
Thanks for listening to this episode of Kelly Martin Speaks
My own ‘new’ right now is that I have finally taken the leap and opened my own online shop on the popular site ETSY. It is called KellysPlaygroundArt. I used to love art as a child, but my own failure story and fears around that kind of creativity stopped me expressing it. I locked my young artist inside a dungeon for most of my life. I hope you get the chance to pop over there, I sell positive self-esteem wall art for children, humorous art for adults and women and some more strange and weird art for those of you who like to perplex and bring curiosity out in your visitors to your home or office. I will be expanding the range often and support you give to my fledgling venture is much appreciated. You can follow this new venture on Instagram as KellysPlayground or Facebook on Kelly’s Playground Art.
And also if you have a question or topic you are struggling with and would like me to answer on an upcoming podcast episode, please get in touch. Your name will be confidential. EMAIL me at firstname.lastname@example.org or message me on Facebook via my page Kelly Martin Speaks.
And as you just heard a chapter from my second book, you can find it over at kellymartin.co.uk where you will also find book 1.
Thanks again, as always if you love what you hear or read pop over to my podcast page on my website kellymartinspeaks.co.uk and support me via Paypal or buy me a coffee via ko-fi.
Until next time…bye for now