EPISODE 110 – PODCAST TRANSCRIPT
Hi there, welcome back to Kelly Martin Speaks. I’m your host Kelly Martin and this is episode 110.
Okay, so at the risk of sounding like a long-playing record, this episode is going to be all about not hiding, again! I feel like my life journey so far has been unpeeling the layers of myself that prevent me from being seen, stop me from enjoying the abundance that other people do from sharing their wares and skills and learning to celebrate who I am.
It feels like I take 10 steps forward and 5 back, many days and I know much is changing for me, but yes, I guess the proof is in the pudding and I’ve been still, hiding myself on an unconscious level and still releasing that which keeps me invisible.
I imagine I’m not the only one that feels like they have done so much to let go of what is holding them back, what is keeping the failure story going on, what is causing frustration or simply just a feeling of I am sick of being stuck!
I hear you, I am with you on this and it is a journey.
Before this podcast I did a little reading for myself based on the Ancient Chinese philosophy of the I-CHING. There is a site I like to visit called Café Au Soul and the author is called Kari Hohne.
I sat quietly and said out loud that I had some sadness arising, some fears about aging, some feelings that my new passions and creativity were going to fall flat and that people would not see all that I put out there into the world, again. I was feeling pretty fed up and resistant to what is and also wondering what it was that I was just missing right now.
I got something which is called an unchanging hexagram. Now in the I-CHING there are things called Hexagrams, each hexagram has changing lines and those lines lead to a new hexagram. In a way the first hexagram says where you are now, the lines tell you what is going on for you and how if you follow the wisdom shared it will lead onto the next hexagram.
Now me? I got no changing lines. My hexagram was unchanging. What this means is I needed to pay extra attention to the wisdom of the now in this message and that I was not being shown the future in a sense, because I needed to focus on this message.
So I am sharing my unchanging message with you all today, because I just know some of you are hiding your brightness too and do not know how to get past it or may not know what exactly is happening.
The first part of the message is what the actual Hexagram is about, I will share it briefly with you before sharing what the unchanging hexagram says.
I received Hexagram 36 and in Kari Hohnes understanding, she calls this Hexagram Brightness Hiding or Ming Yi.
Ming Yi is often associated with castigation or feeling that you are being misunderstood. You’ve made great progress up to now and might have been enthusiastic. But for whatever reason, the walls have begun to close in on you. Others are not speaking your language and often, Ming Yi is associated with the dark night of the soul.
Now to receive this hexagram as Unchanging she said the following:
“In the depths of darkness = sunrise is coming. The greatest gift you can give yourself is recognize your inner light that shines regardless of the weather outside.
Sometimes you hide your light in somebody else’s pocket, hoping one day they’ll discover you when doing the laundry and pat you on the head. Sometimes you hide it the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow if you can just find that one thing that eludes you.
You hide it in cookie jars and at the bottom of a pint of ice cream. You hide it in the valley and bury it with moss so nobody discovers you are hiding.
The obscurity of your brightness is not serving anyone because you have misplaced the reason for your existence.
You are not a victim and life is eagerly awaiting your sunrise.
If you don’t let the real you shine, how can life celebrate your goodness?
Only you know what it means to be fearlessly yourself but you have placed the center of your compass elsewhere – as if this or that has to happen before you can be happy.
This is a lesson life continuously teaches because you are one of its unique variations and it celebrates your Liberation. Open to whatever you are so afraid of because there is no longer any reason to hide.
Brightness Hiding unchanging suggests that whatever is unfolding is allowing you to tap your inner light. Without taking time to connect with your inner world you may continue to experience conflict around you. This hexagram can come when sharing your wisdom for the benefit of others without needing to focus on what you get in return.”
Well, after reading this, I realised yes I put my new creativity out there, but also feel somewhat hesitant to share it further. I realised that as I walked into town to meet a friend today that I was going towards 50 years of age (albeit 6 years off) and my ego-mind was having a field day quietly, yet powerfully telling me ‘Kelly, you’re nearly 50 and you still don’t know who you are or how you will take care of yourself’ boy, that old story is a tough one to move for me.
I realised a part of me was saying if I don’t make a success of something soon, I’m screwed. A part of me had put a deadline on my soul, that if by 50 I was still stuck, that’s it, no point keeping going. I was looking down the road, adding a bunch of requirements that would mean I had succeeded or was happy.
So my ego told me I would be happy when I have learned to drive and have a car. Happy when I have my own home that I own. Happy when I have enough money to take care of myself. ALL future happiness, nothing here now. I was putting such a weight on my shoulders, a burden of pressure from my critical inner adult that by doing this was crushing my newfound creativity. Adding extra pressure to it, which led to me stopping in my tracks like a rabbit in headlights.
The unchanging hexagram made me realise it’s time for me to celebrate who I am, all that I do, but more so realise I have a lot to celebrate and that money and having stuff, does not negate my value or my purpose for being here on planet earth. Having the lack of those things I want; does not mean I cannot choose happiness or life satisfaction now.
It is still very easy for me to compare myself to those who have all the outward material objects of life, but I must remember that they may not have the spiritual or deeper awareness of themselves, of life, of love that I do, and which would I prefer to have if the world suddenly was nearing its end?
My heart, my soul, my compassion, my generous nature, my curious nature, my playful attitude, my love. Because all the things we often yearn for that are outside of us will matter not if we had a limited life.
It is how we view our own heart and cherish what we do have that truly matters.
This is a tough understanding for me, but it is beginning to unravel.
Thanks for listening to this episode of Kelly Martin Speaks
If you enjoy my free content on this podcast and blog, I appreciate any donations
or a buy me a coffee via Kofi on my podcasting page on kellymartinspeaks.co.uk
I’d also love it if you pop over to my art prints.
So, if you feel that you want new inspiration for your home pop by the popular site ETSY and search for KellysPlaygroundArt. I sell prints for children’s self-esteem, funny humour and empowering prints for women and some weird curious art too. My range will be expanding regularly.
And also, if you have a question or topic you are struggling with and would like me to answer on an upcoming podcast episode, please get in touch. Your name will be confidential. EMAIL me at firstname.lastname@example.org or message me on Facebook via my page Kelly Martin Speaks.
Until next time…bye for now