In existence, there is nobody who is superior and nobody who is inferior. The blade of grass and the great star are absolutely equal…. But man wants to be higher than others, he wants to conquer nature, hence he has to fight continuously. All complexity arises out of this fight. The innocent person is one who has renounced fighting; who is no longer interested in being higher, who is no longer interested in performing, in proving that he is someone special; who has become like a rose flower or like a dewdrop on the lotus leaf; who has become part of this infinity; who has melted, merged and become one with the ocean and is just a wave; who has no idea of the “I”. The disappearance of the ”I” is innocence. ~ Osho
In 2013, in the early days of writing my blog, I wrote about being a nobody. I used my blog back then to heal myself. I rarely shared it with anyone, so it was sort of an online public healing diary for me.
It’s something I’ve been wrestling with for long time, to release the need to be a special somebody, because there is as much if not more value in being a special nobody. What does nobody mean? It means you are not your body; you are special and of value for simply existing.
Now the ego-mind hates this. As I move through yet another bout of depression brought on by lockdown, the changes in the world and the inability to connect with others, I find myself yearning and my desiring for more increasing again. In the UK as lockdown measures are lifted, I hear and I see people connecting with family, with friends, off to enjoy holidays and breaks and the yearning, the old familiar story of envy rears its painful head.
Like many, I am finding the disconnection from others painful. I am finding the increase in mask wearing brings up a lot of sadness for me to face. For if our lives are more isolated and we yearn for connection, to only see another’s eyes from a distance can feel so hard. My desire to make new friends is growing stronger and yet the current pandemic world does not allow for this to happen and I am also aware that I would not want to meet new friends from this yearning place, this place of craving, because when we come from a place of attachment, we meet people who may not be best for us anyway. And so I allow myself to wait, to adjust, to find my own value in simply being human.
And also, when the spirit feels low it’s perfectly natural to begin to not see what is here, what is of value right now. It is easy to look at isolation and a lack of people in our lives (if this is your experience too) in a way that means we can’t be valuable, but this is simply not true.
I know that many people are losing their jobs, their roles, their sense of identity right now. It can feel devastating to not know how you will manage the normal basic necessities of life, but the way we once lived changing so drastically can bring about all kinds of mental health issues. We can either fall down the dark hole of feeling sorry for ourselves, drowning in ‘why me?’ or we can start to reconnect with who we really are, beyond all the roles we once played.
And who knows, we may discover we are needing something far different from the time before we got lost in our identity roles. Who we thought we were may need this change, even if it is very tough.
You Are Of Value Now
The fact of the matter is, you are of value now.
Not only when you had a job or role that you thought worked for you.
Not only when you had your health.
Not only when you had a sea of friends or close family members, but now.
Your value lies in your humanity. How you choose to live, adapt, find your own flow.
You can wake up and simply breathe, that is valuable enough.
But the ego often makes us struggle against this, so we look for meaning in our lives. We try to look for what can make us matter more, what can give our lives more value? What makes us more special? And the fact is, this kind of thinking never ends.
You could live an entire lifetime striving to be more and more special, to get more attention, love and appreciation from the world, but it would never fill you, it would never suffice.
Why?
Because you’re looking at it from the inside out, instead of the outside in.
I always love to look at nature when I am feeling less valuable or needing to feel like a somebody and I watch a bird land on a branch and remember, that bird is not thinking it is any less or more special than the bird next to it. The weed on the roadside growing through the cracks in the concrete, does not think it is less than the abundant field of sunflowers shining brightly in the sun. And the sun does not shine on only the popular or purposeful people but shines on everyone equally.
This is because nature is there to remind us that our self-worth, our sense of self and value does not come from our doing, but from our being.
So I want to say to you today, if you are struggling with ‘what is’, feeling isolated, if you’ve lost your identity or place in this world suddenly, consider trying out the following to get through this.
Tips For Moving Through This Phase Of Life
- Creativity – create art, write poetry, sing, dance – even if you feel sadness, sorrow or fear. Let the feeling move through you as art.
- Listen to music that has a strong beat to it. For example, I like listening to tribal drumming music. The earthiness of it mimics the human heartbeat, but also the heartbeat of the planet. When we are grounding in this regularly, we can then find a new rhythm in our lives from a more stable place.
- Pay more attention to the natural world. When you get lost in your own identity crisis or loneliness, look out of your window or in your garden to nature, question it, ask if the bee landing on the flower feels like you do and if not, why not? What can you learn from the clouds going across the sky? What can you learn from the storms that come and go?
- Ask where is your value? Where does it come from? If you are alone and/or not interacting with others or not working, what worth do you have? And if it becomes negative in your mind, question this, is it true? If you dig deep, you will soon discover that if you were meant to be anything other than who you are right now, you would be. Life, God, creation, whatever you choose to see for your own faith in life, allowed you and birthed you into being, because creation wanted to experience being you. And that means all of you, all of your ups and downs. If you struggle with value further, look at someone who is for example quadriplegic, who has little movement, little physical ability to ‘do’ in this world. Do you look at that person and think they are not of value or worth? If your answer is ‘Of course they are of worth’ there is your answer. If you see a homeless person and see they are of value, once again, there is your answer. Now turn it around to self. Why were they of value and you are not in your mind? What stories are you listening to that do not belong to you anymore and need releasing.
- If you are able talk to someone, see a counsellor or therapist. If your finances do not allow this, read. Read as much as you can about moving through depression, human consciousness, self-acceptance…If you are stuck on what to read check out my list, that I made some time ago here.
And most of all remember, you matter.
Even if the voices are screaming loudly that you do not, they are lying to you.
Keep going and please choose life.
STRUGGLING WITH MENTAL HEALTH?
This week’s upcoming podcast episode will be about suicide prevention during this pandemic and the lockdown experience. Subscribe to my podcast over on APPLE PODCASTS here.
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Kelly Martin, author of ‘When Everyone Shines But You’ is a dedicated writer and blogger who fearlessly explores life’s deepest questions. Faced with a decade of profound anxiety and grief following the loss of her father and her best friend Michael, Kelly embarked on a transformative journey guided by mindfulness, and she hasn’t looked back since. Through her insightful writing, engaging podcasts, and inspiring You Tube channel Kelly empowers others to unearth the hidden treasures within their pain, embracing the profound truth that they are ‘enough’ exactly as they are.
