Why Am I Not Good Enough?

Woman thinking

From When Everyone Shines But You

There are many fears in the world. Fear of spiders, enclosed spaces, heights etc., but a major fear I see on planet Earth is the fear of ‘not enough’. Feeling that as you are is not good enough, so you strive to be better, to be more, to be better than your fellow man, when in fact you are vast and far more expansive than any of you can imagine.

Because of ‘not enough’-itis, many of you feel that life is unfair. You feel that you work hard and get nowhere. You see others doing very little, working far less and perhaps not doing a great job, and yet they receive praise and admiration and seem to be valued far more than you are. This hurts you to your core, but your inner being knows that you are far more than this shell, far more than the value you place on outer results and actions. However, human feedback is something you’ve been taught to need and if you don’t receive positive acknowledgment, you doubt your own worth.

The value you place on what you do is important, for the world is your mirror, and if you feel you are not valued, if you feel that your abilities are not seen or heard, you do not feel that you matter. 

The outer world is like your mother. It may appear that your mother is conditional in her love, where she loves others for doing exactly what you do, but does not love you. In fact she reflects your own mistrust in your own abilities. The world does not see you, or hear you, or know that you exist until you know you exist. 

If you feel that who you are isn’t important, that what you do doesn’t matter, then no amount of effort is going to make a difference to how the world sees you. If you follow your passion, love what you do and value yourself, the world will reflect this. 

Someone could paint a black dot on a white piece of paper and receive praise, love, positive feedback and money from that work of art – simply because they feel that what they do is worthwhile.  They feel that what they do has meaning and purpose.  

The next person could paint another abstract work of art, full of depth, full of colour and fabulous on the eyes, yet no-one will get to see it. To the world, it doesn’t exist; it is meaningless. It means nothing because the painter has listened to the stories of his or her past, and believes them.

It’s How You Feel

The painter believes that he or she is worthless, useless, bad at art. And so the world reflects this belief. Both works of art could be held in a prominent visible place where thousands of people pass every single day and yet the black dot on the white paper will receive the most attention. 

It’s not what you do in this world, but how you feel about what you do that’s important.

When you look at your passions, your interests, and your own self, and see nothing of worth, then know that life will feed this belief back to you. If you can find a way to value yourself without exerting your will or your effort anymore, you will find that you need to do less, to shine more.

Shine more!

There is something within you wanting to emerge and greet this magnificent world.

Your invisibility serves no-one.

You deserve to be seen.

You deserve to be heard.

You deserve to let your magic out and for life to be a glorious adventure.

Do you think you’re ready? It is time to remove the mask of invisibility; it is time to embrace the wonder of you.

No longer may you hide behind that rock, sobbing that no-one can see you – you can come out from behind the rock and allow yourself to be seen now.

Are you ready?

Are you ready for the world to see you and embrace you?

From ‘When Everyone Shines But You’

Chapter 2

~Not Good Enough~

Forgetting Your True Nature

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Kelly Martin
Kelly Martin

Kelly Martin is the author of ‘When Everyone Shines But You’ , a passionate writer and blogger questioning life’s illusions. After what seemed like a decade of intense anxiety, feelings of failure and grief from the loss of her father she chose to take a mindfulness path and has not looked back since. Kelly encourages people to find the treasures that lie within the pain and suffering and to learn to see themselves as ‘enough’ exactly as they are, right now through her writing and You Tube channel .

Find me on: Web | Twitter | Facebook

5 Comments

  1. Laurie
    June 15, 2020 / 10:21 am

    Oh this is a deep one for me. Maybe you can shine light on what I have not been able to see. I have worked at valuing myself. But it always goes back to the beginning. Of never being given that “lesson” first from others while growing up. I never felt what true, sincere, unconditional love felt like, until my grandson was born 18 years ago. I was 50 at the time, and up until then, had not ever felt it or experienced it – human to human. Not with my grandparents who were dead before i was born. Not from my parents. Not with my siblings. Not with my x husband. Not with my children. But when my grandson came into the world, this almost overwhelming “pure love” flowed all through me. I had no idea it existed! I have felt close to the feeling with nature, and with God. My heart and soul overflow with those. Just not with a human.

    And oh how my inner child has cried over the years for it. To have had the experience of someone opening their arms to me in joyful anticipation of my running into them. Of someone’s face lighting up with glee when I entered a room. Of someone feeling so much love and joy just for my existence, that I would have been given this core foundation of feeling “I matter. I am important. My existence makes a difference to others.”. But when we never get that – how do we allow our self to re-program our self with those things. When for years – the message, over, and over, and over has been – “you’re nothing special in my eyes”. The programming runs so deep. Of being invisible, in the way, not wanted, insignificant, wrong to exist.

    For years I have cried out to God, “why couldn’t I have been given just one person to love me, just one..?.”. I know.. I know.. God loves me. And after almost 60 years, I finally became able to truly love my self.. (oh how starved my little inner girl was for that). But yet to this day, there is an inner doubt, and fear of being truly seen, known, and heard. No matter how much I write on social media and put myself out there.

    When I see the little notice from facebook that I have a “message” from someone my very first instinct and thought – is fear. Fear someone is displeased with something I wrote somewhere. It only lasts a few seconds, nonetheless.. it is there, front and center. Fear to touch that button and go see what is waiting. Fear of being wrong. Fear of being bad. Fear of reading what negative thing they might have to say.

    I know “value” is in perception. I know it’s up to me to declare my own value. And many days I can feel ok, feel good about myself. But yet, there are still many days, that wounded little baby wishes someone had looked upon her and loved her with glee and let her know, “It’s so wonderful that you are here! I’m so glad you are here!!”

    I do understand what you are saying I need to do. And trust me, I have contemplated, if this is the worst problem or wound of life that I have to contend with, I’ll take it over the devastation and pain of other kinds people get as lessons to overcome. But some days.. the little infant still cries and wishes.. for a time. Then the adult takes over again. To be the loving parent to myself that I need, is what I need to do. I know that too. Some days however, it’s just hard to do.

    • June 17, 2020 / 11:18 am

      Hi Laurie, thanks so much for sharing your experience it means a lot to me. I understand fully how you feel, I truly do. I’m still working with my own inner child, Learning to rep arent and accept all that I am. Some days are easier than others. We have to remember, years of programming don’t disappear overnight, but we can take small steps to embrace what arrives at our door. Perhaps speak to the little girl inside ‘I see you, I love you, you matter’ and check out where she is inside. My inner child was in a dark dungeon. She felt she couldn’t even accept light or good food, all she accepted was the scraps of mouldy bread. I had to gently talk to her and sometimes I just sat with her. A bit like how horses will come to you rather than us going to them, by just sitting in their field. And once she was ready to leave the dungeon we took a gentle walk. She wasn’t always ready for the new. Sometimes she just wanted to sit under a tree. Your experience will be different to mine. I think this is the first steps, just conversing with the unconscious in this way. And with fearing being wrong, I used to get that. It was an instant reaction in my gut. I’ve not changed how I view other people and say to myself are they right for me or they need to prove themselves to me. So taking the energy out of it and empowering myself. Lots of love on your journey.xxx

    • June 17, 2020 / 11:19 am

      Ps. I hope my reply makes sense it needs a few edits, but I don’t have a computer right now so unable to edit on mobile device

      • Laurie
        June 18, 2020 / 1:18 am

        Oh yes, it all makes sense. I really liked the horse reference. There’s a wonderful family tv series out of Canada called “Heartland”, and from watching it I know exactly what you refer to. An excellent idea. I felt bad for writing such a long message.. and wanted to come back and delete it… (ever mindful of stepping out too far..). So, sorry if it got too long! I’ve had the “turtle” syndrome lately.. tending to hide in my shell more than I should. A couple of months ago I discovered some great motivational messages on You Tube. They are aimed at people going after their dreams and goals etc.. and often geared towards athletic goals. Nonetheless, the “language” in them has been so invigorating. Filling up empty places in my brain that never before heard such vigorous “go for it” type instructions. So that too is part of how I am reprogramming myself and reconditioning my thought processes. Here is a link to one I listen to over and over… just to show you what I am talking about. Sometimes the inner child just needs to be given a new diet of healthier mental food. Since she wasn’t fed it in her formative years. So glad I came across your page and blog. Hope the link works..? Produced by “Team Fearless”. https://youtu.be/lk3BbhzsBgs

        • June 21, 2020 / 11:44 am

          Hi Laurie, I love Heartland, one of my favourite series, beautiful. Another couple of series I love is Sweet Magnolias and Virgin River, very similar.
          No need to feel bad, it really is great to see longer comments, makes me feel my blog is getting to the right people. I understand the turtle syndrome. For years I hid myself from view. I will check out the video, thank you. Have a beautiful week ahead!

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