Contrary to popular positive thinking practices, did you know that it is perfectly okay that you don’t think your life is enough? That you may see people in your life, and you may feel lack or challenged to accept who they are and that is okay? Or you may look at your life overall and not be able to see the perfection in it all and that too is okay?
I know the ego plays tricks on us and while it is beautiful to have full compassion for those in our lives, acceptance of what is, it’s not a prerequisite for being an enough and lovable human being.
Sometimes it is in our struggle to face facts that we suffer unduly. I know this only too well.
If our life is not matching what we had in mind or we were attached to having, we can do one of two things. We can struggle with the fact that our life is the way it is, plain and simple acceptance of it. Or we can struggle with our own thoughts, believing we are wrong, selfish (insert your critical word of choice) for wanting other than what is and suffer further by beating ourselves up for not being this perfect sage-like being, but simply human.
My best friend brought this to my attention recently. I was feeling resistance and challenged, and he simply said to me ‘I’m not enough and that is okay’ We had been discussing our relationship prior. I was in tears, freaking out at how bad I was for thinking that way, I thought I was supposed to accept unconditionally and to view people and life in an accepting way and while this may be my path, it had also become the noose around my neck.
I Attacked Myself
Instead of having self-compassion, self-forgiveness and understanding for the inner child in me who wants everything now, wants everything she wants, in the way she wants it, I attacked myself as bad and wrong.
And I realised, what is so wrong with wanting what I want?
As our inner children are much like physical children, children don’t think they can’t have what they want or feel they must love, accept or see a situation as ENOUGH, no! Children see something and if they don’t like it, they say it, often loudly, they know who they are and what they want.
This was a big lesson in acceptance, but in a whole new way.
When we see life, people, events that challenge us, we may automatically think we need to be some wise, loving person who understands it all and has a wise perspective, but let’s be honest, most of us don’t a lot of time AND that’s okay.
That’s the toughest thing to accept that simply because we may judge a person or situation as NOT enough, does not make us a bad person or wrong. The greatest relief can come from simply saying ‘I don’t feel this is enough for me, right now. And this is okay!’
Our Secondary Inner Critic
When we add secondary critique to our honest awareness we hurt, it’s damn painful. We end up fighting not only with the situation we would rather were different, but also fighting with our own mind and heart for daring to feel what it is feeling. Whatever we feel is okay, because of the simple fact that we are feeling it.
So if a relationship, experience, event is causing you to judge yourself harshly for not being more loving or more compassionate or more understanding, try and take a step back and know that maybe something is not working for you and that is okay. You may find that in the very accepting that it is not enough for you, the very subject of the challenge becomes enough or at least you find yourself accepting more readily.
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Kelly Martin, author of ‘When Everyone Shines But You’ is a dedicated writer and blogger who fearlessly explores life’s deepest questions. Faced with a decade of profound anxiety and grief following the loss of her father and her best friend Michael, Kelly embarked on a transformative journey guided by mindfulness, and she hasn’t looked back since. Through her insightful writing, engaging podcasts, and inspiring You Tube channel Kelly empowers others to unearth the hidden treasures within their pain, embracing the profound truth that they are ‘enough’ exactly as they are.
