How To Open To Love After Pain

woman owning her power

This post ‘How To Open To Love After Pain’ is in collaboration with Orion’s Method. The content and opinions expressed below are that of

Don’t rush into any kind of relationship. Work on yourself. Feel yourself, experience yourself and love yourself. Do this first and you will soon attract that special loving other.
― Russ von Hoelscher

I’ve probably been single longer than the average woman, but I also spent a lot of time in toxic relationships with narcissistic men, unavailable men and men who were less into me than I was into them. It’s about time this changed.

As we come to the end of 2018 I would love to experience a beautiful love-filled relationship with a man in 2019, but to get there I’ve had to spend a lot of time alone first.

From the age of 16 until I turned 26, I had such low self-esteem that I accepted partners I wasn’t fully attracted to. I allowed myself to ‘settle’ and on the rare occasion I met someone I was really physically attracted to, they tended to be serial cheaters or raging narcissists. I truly believed that I was worth so little.

So instead of diving into yet another relationship, I spent 12 years single! Yes, 12 years. That’s a long time, but I really got to know who I was, what I loved, what I didn’t and what mattered to me.

I started to embrace my femininity for the first time in my forties and learned to begin the journey of owning my feminine power, but I had a rather challenging lesson during this time. At the end of 12 years I learned about how sacred my female body is after I met a man from Poland.

This man charmed me out of my single status, attracted to how open I was because I was yearning for physical intimacy by then and he preyed on my vulnerability in that sense.  While I was emotionally independent, far less needy and no longer a people-pleaser, my womanly needs were a longing to be touched.  So I allowed myself to be charmed by someone who wanted my body more than anything else.

Feminine Rage Rises

women power

As my mind and heart knew that he was not a great man to be in a relationship with, I chose to use this experience to feel my heart open and to love, even when it was not returned. It was a conscious opening of my heart, regardless of the one-way status. And I learned to embrace my body as needing protection and genuine love (not from this guy!).

During the 3 month relationship, I received scary news that I had CIN3. A severe level of pre-cancerous cells on my cervix. I had to have several procedures and I had one that meant no physical relations for a while. The Polish man responded coldly and lacked any empathy whatsoever. He felt it was nothing to do with him, so he left me to deal with all my ‘women’s stuff’ alone.

This whole event woke me up. I had allowed too many men to use me for my body in a disrespectful way because I didn’t value myself.  So this relationship was an eye-opener to treating myself and my femininity with care, tenderness and deep love. My body had aggressively protected itself and I learned a valuable lesson in self-worth and what I was worthy of as a woman, namely a man who valued me, accepted me, respected me and adored me, but first I had to give all of this back to myself.

So on this journey right now, I am learning to connect to the wounded and neglected feminine side and it is great that there are people out there to support women who need to learn to reclaim their feminine power like Orion of the Orion’s Method. A teacher who helps women own their feminine power.

There are so many women who suffer from low self-esteem and a sense of not deserving truly epic love like I was, who have shut down because of pain and it’s so easy to do, which is why sometimes we need support and help from other women.

After my last relationship I could have easily closed my heart to love and I have not. I feel I am opening now, preparing myself to meet the man for me. And to do so embracing my wholeness and owning my feminine power.

If you have been hurt in the past, don’t close your heart or surround yourself by a wall of armour. Your heart deserves love, truly amazing love.

Don’t give up. The life partner you may want is looking for you right now and by keeping open and ready you can attract them into your life, at the perfect time for you both.

Enjoy the process.

Kelly Martin
Kelly Martin

Kelly Martin, author of ‘When Everyone Shines But You’ is a dedicated writer and blogger who fearlessly explores life’s deepest questions. Faced with a decade of profound anxiety and grief following the loss of her father and her best friend Michael, Kelly embarked on a transformative journey guided by mindfulness, and she hasn’t looked back since. Through her insightful writing, engaging podcasts, and inspiring You Tube channel Kelly empowers others to unearth the hidden treasures within their pain, embracing the profound truth that they are ‘enough’ exactly as they are.

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