We all have moments of lack, feeling we are lacking something we want. It could be money, a relationship, a family, a career etc.. And sometimes we feel deeply frustrated, angry and in such a deep state of lack that we could just scream. I had a moment like this just this past week. And after one of my often breakthrough conversations with my best friend Mike something made me laugh out loud.
teenage years or early twenties? Who would I be now?
Looking back in retrospect can clear things up a lot sometimes. For me, life naturally unfolds, there is a divine order to the universe, everything does indeed happen (or in this case ‘not happen’) for a reason.
Take a look back through your deep desire journey.
If you really look, you will see many of the desires you had 5-10-20+ years ago felt just as strong; felt just as clear; felt just as deep as the desires you now have. Go on.. track that course and guess where it would have taken you.
Here are some examples of where my life could have gone if I had gotten what I ‘thought’ I wanted back then.
Actual experience – My first long term boyfriend left me for another woman. Even though I was not in love with him (I was in love with the idea of being in love), I was devastated when he ended it.
If I had gotten what I wanted back then:
He would have loved me, wanted to marry me. We got married.
I was particularly needy back then and co-dependent. I would probably be overweight, ten times more insecure, jealous and angry. He would probably be having an affair and I would probably have children and feel very trapped. I would still be drinking alcohol so would probably have a heap of health and mental health issues.
Actual experience – I left University, travelled to Australia, backpacked on my own, started my spiritual journey and awakening. I gave up Alcohol for a year as I began to practice channelling Reiki healing.
If I had gotten what I wanted back then: After university, instead of going to Australia to travel I got a top job working for a country park as a countryside warden. I didn’t stop drinking alcohol.
Possible life from that moment on:
My anxiety continued, I felt less confidence than I did before. I got lost in my status. I continued to hang out with the same people drinking alcohol 4 days a week as a binge drinker. My path of addiction continued.
Actual experience – I left a job and created my own inspirational magazine called SHINE for the city of Gloucester. I was going to apply for funding but the person in charge said it would not work and was not thought out well. I gave it up and got a full time job working in a shop.
If I had gotten what I wanted back then: My magazine got the funding.
Possible life from that moment on:
My magazine’s content was so shallow and so ‘pink and fluffy’ it hardly reached anyone. I was trying to impress people – my ego loved this idea. I had not delved into my own pain so none of the words would help anyone. I end up outwardly thinking I am a big shot editor and creator. Inwardly I feel like a complete and utter fake. I spend my life trying to make it work, but like anything run by a local council it’s all about getting the funding but it’s not about helping anyone.
Embracing ‘Perceived’ Failures As Gifts
These are just a few examples of directions my path could have taken and I am so grateful for those ‘perceived’ failures. They were not failures, they were droplets of desire – ego desire. The desires of the ego can come in such a way that they can seem virtuous or perfect, but if we dig a little deeper we discover they never were our true heart and soul desires.
So even though now it may seem in my life or your life that it’s ‘lacking’ what you think you want, it may be time to see and trust that the universe and the divine course of your life is on track exactly as it is right now, and when you need to make changes and take action you will be intuitively guided.
Whenever we feel a sense of urgency this is the ego wanting something, not the heart. The heart is fluid, relaxed, open, knowing and graceful.
Trust your journey, it knows the way.
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