|NEW BOOK – COMING SOON!|
So I did it! I wrote my first book. As those of you who’ve been tracking my writing journey since 2007 will know, completing something close to my heart has been a bumpy road. When you carry the story of ‘I’m Not Good Enough’ or feel an ongoing sense of failure and regular frustration, it’s not as easy as 1,2,3 Abracadabra and then you are suddenly healed, suddenly joyful or suddenly happy. No, far from it.
Many people in this world suffer from ‘not good enough-itis’ and some of us take it to a whole new level where it seeps into our every waking hour. As those of you experiencing this will know, it’s not that we don’t want to feel good enough, it’s that we never had the vocabulary to feel good enough. Many of us never had positive roles models, our parents and teachers also suffered from ‘not good enough-itis’ and so they have no clue how to inspire us to be who we came here to be, perfectly human.
After 30+ years of intense anxiety, nearing my 40th birthday, I watched as everyone younger than me ‘appeared’ to pass me by. I watched as people younger and older than me told me I must think positively, I must recite affirmations, I must practice gratitude, and it was like a kick in the teeth of my fragile self-worth. Because I knew deep down I really had focused on all of those things, not as a casual affair. I had sat in front of the mirror doing Louise L Hay style affirmations. I had sat every morning writing a list of gratitudes. I had envisioned a better life for myself and nothing changed – NOTHING! Nada!
It’s so easy to feel broken, to feel wrong when what we do does not match the experience of others. When we see others appearing to thrive in life, appearing to use all these positive thinking tools to apparent success, and we sit wondering ‘What am I doing wrong here?’, but we are doing nothing wrong, the well-meaning people who think they know what is right for us to do have never walked a day in our shoes.
So on my journey of writing, my journey of self-exploration and questioning reality, I came across the practice of mindfulness and through, practising mindfulness, becoming more a watcher of my thoughts and feelings, something began to shift inside me. Not quick and fast, but slowly seeping through into my conscious awareness. And I felt this inspiration to write, to really write, and not stop until I finished receiving answers to those questions and challenges I was currently inwardly faced with.
So thank you for joining my journey and for all your support; thank you for your comments, your friendship, your compassion, your occasional challenges to what I write, to your reflections, your insights and your life experiences being shared.
If you want to know more about my first book, check out my BOOK HERE and have a look around my new website. I am writing a writer’s blog there also, where you can discover how the whole process of writing went for me on this book and healing journey.