Many people in the world have an inbuilt definition of success.
In the West: status, career, money, and for some it is owning a home, getting married and having children.
In the East it may be being a man of honour, or having a religious standing in the community, or education or intelligence. But do any of these define success?
This definition of success passes down through the generations, and becomes part of the culture, which ensures that it continues.
The danger here is, if one family member does not meet these fixed criteria, they will be forever viewed as a failure, either by the family, or even worse, inside the person who is now carrying the weight of unfulfilled success on their shoulders.
My family (like many people) define success through money, and career. If you have a great job and/or plenty of money and your own house, you have made it.
If you do something you love that may not initially bring money in, what you do it is not taken seriously. This is a success belief I am spending time making peace with, so that when I am ready I will let it go.
When we have been carrying a mistaken definition of success for most of our lives, it can be a challenge to view ourselves differently. For example, I can feel really confident about my writing and then speak to someone who takes money and career more seriously and my shaky self-confidence drops into my belly like a lead weight.
It hurts because of the strong belief memory I have been carrying, and because of my need for acceptance. But my real desire is self-acceptance so that the world has no need to doubt me in the mirror of another.
So what is the real success?
Well I was thinking about this recently when I allowed myself to be knocked down by someone else’s ideas and I had a lot of feelings and mind trips telling me that I was a failure and that because I didn’t have X, Y, Z, life was pointless.
This is a really strong memory and tape playing inside. So I did Ho’oponopono, an ancient Hawaiian healing process that cleans the memories we carry that cause us to suffer and then the divine in ‘All That Is’ erases the memory.
I said ‘I love you’, and ‘Thank you’ to the memories taking place, and as I repeated this, I realised something profound – that if everyone I viewed as a success, (and in so doing judge myself a failure), had their definition of success suddenly taken away, their house, their money, their career, status, they would be absolutely devastated. But true success is unshakeable; true success cannot be uprooted and taken away . It is rooted in the firm, strong foundations built on love. It’s not what you have that defines how successful you are – it’s who you are that defines success. It’s not what you’re doing – it’s who you are being.
Most people are attached to a fragile belief system based on outer success. We have been indoctrinated that we must have something material we can show to the world to say: ‘Here I am. I am a success.’
But it doesn’t last.
True Success Is Who You Are
True success is a deep knowing that you, whoever you are, whatever your doing right now, sitting, being, is all success is. Without you this world would not be complete. With you in the world it is whole. Life needs you as you are right now.
You could be sitting by a river being a success; being a human by a river; you could be drinking tea, being a human drinking tea; you could be crying and feeling sad, you are being human being sad. Whatever you feel; have or don’t have, you’re an inbuilt success because you are here.
Living, rich, poor, healthy, sick, angry, sad, happy, all is welcome in the love that you are. Love has no ending and neither do you. Success is just a label misused for decades in a man-made time. True success is infinite and never ending.
You live, you die, you are successful being all of these things.
You are not a failure.
You are not limited.
You are not better nor worse than any man, woman or child you know.
You are infinite greatness contained in a body, sharing your own unique version of a successful you!
Embrace it. You matter!
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1st Photograph unknown (this is in numerous places across Google but I could not find the original creator if you are the creator please let me know and I will remove the image).
Kelly Martin is the author of ‘When Everyone Shines But You – Saying Goodbye To ‘I’m Not Good Enough’ , a passionate writer and blogger questioning life’s illusions. After what seemed like a decade of intense anxiety, feelings of failure and grief from the loss of her father she chose to take a mindfulness path and has not looked back since. Kelly encourages people to find the treasures that lie within the pain and suffering and to learn to see themselves as ‘enough’ exactly as they are, right now through her writing and You Tube channel.